A United States Marine was attending some college courses between assignments. He had completed missions in Iraq and Afghanistan. One of the courses had a professor who was an avowed atheist and a member of the ACLU.
One day the professor shocked the class when he came in he looked to the ceiling and flatly stated, 'God, if you are real, then I want you to knock me off this platform. I'll give you exactly 15 minutes.' The lecture room fell silent.
You could hear a pin drop.
Ten minutes went by and the professor proclaimed, 'Here I am God. I'm still waiting.' It got down to the last couple of minutes when the Marine got out of his chair, went up to the professor, and cold-cocked him, knocking him off the platform. The professor was out cold.
The Marine went back to his seat and sat there, silently. The other students were shocked, stunned, and sat there looking on in silence. The professor eventually came to, noticeably shaken, looked at the Marine and asked, 'What the heck is the matter with you? Why did you do that?' The Marine calmly replied, 'God was too busy today protecting American soldiers who are protecting your right to say stupid stuff and act like an idiot. So, He sent me.
And all God's people said -- AMEN!
Monday, December 28, 2009
Thursday, November 05, 2009
So you think you know everything...
• A dime has 118 ridges around the edge.
• A cat has 32 muscles in each ear.
• A crocodile cannot stick out its tongue.
• A dragonfly has a life span of 24 hours.
• A goldfish has a memory span of three seconds.
• A "jiffy" is an actual unit of time for 1/100th of a second.
• A shark is the only fish that can blink with both eyes.
• A snail can sleep for three years.
• Al Capone's business card said he was a used furniture dealer.
• All 50 states are listed across the top of the Lincoln Memorial on the back of the $5 bill.
• Almonds are a member of the peach family.
• An ostrich's eye is bigger than its brain.
• Babies are born without kneecaps. They don't appear until the child reaches 2 to 6 years of age.
• Butterflies taste with their feet.
• Cats have over one hundred vocal sounds. Dogs only have about 10.
• "Dreamt" is the only English word that ends in the letters "mt".
• February 1865 is the only month in recorded history not to have a full moon.
• In the last 4,000 years, no new animals have been domesticated.
• If the population of China walked past you, in single file, the line would never end because of the rate of reproduction.
• If you are an average American, in your whole life, you will spend an average of 6 months waiting at red lights.
• It's impossible to sneeze with your eyes open.
• Leonardo Da Vinci invented the scissors.
• Maine is the only state whose name is just one syllable.
• No word in the English language rhymes with month, orange, silver, or purple.
• On a Canadian two dollar bill, the flag flying over the Parliament building is an American flag.
• Our eyes are always the same size from birth, but our nose and ears never stop growing.
• Peanuts are one of the ingredients of dynamite.
• Rubber bands last longer when refrigerated.
• "Stewardesses" is the longest word typed with only the left hand and "lollipop" with your right.
• The average person's left hand does 56% of the typing.
• The cruise liner, QE2, moves only six inches for each gallon of diesel that it burns.
• The microwave was invented after a researcher walked by a radar tube and a chocolate bar melted in his pocket.
• The sentence: "The quick brown fox jumps over the lazy dog" uses every letter of the alphabet.
• The winter of 1932 was so cold that Niagara Falls froze completely solid.
• The words 'racecar,' 'kayak' and 'level' are the same whether they are read left to right or right to left (palindromes).
• There are 293 ways to make change for a dollar.
• There are more chickens than people in the world.
• There are only four words in the English language which end in "dous": tremendous, horrendous, stupendous, and hazardous
• There are two words in the English language that have all five vowels in order: "abstemious" and "facetious."
• There's no Betty Rubble in the Flintstones Chewables Vitamins.
• Tigers have striped skin, not just striped fur.
• TYPEWRITER is the longest word that can be made using the letters only on one row of the keyboard.
• Winston Churchill was born in a ladies' room during a dance.
• Women blink nearly twice as much as men.
• Your stomach has to produce a new layer of mucus every two weeks; otherwise it will digest itself.
.............Now you know everything
• A cat has 32 muscles in each ear.
• A crocodile cannot stick out its tongue.
• A dragonfly has a life span of 24 hours.
• A goldfish has a memory span of three seconds.
• A "jiffy" is an actual unit of time for 1/100th of a second.
• A shark is the only fish that can blink with both eyes.
• A snail can sleep for three years.
• Al Capone's business card said he was a used furniture dealer.
• All 50 states are listed across the top of the Lincoln Memorial on the back of the $5 bill.
• Almonds are a member of the peach family.
• An ostrich's eye is bigger than its brain.
• Babies are born without kneecaps. They don't appear until the child reaches 2 to 6 years of age.
• Butterflies taste with their feet.
• Cats have over one hundred vocal sounds. Dogs only have about 10.
• "Dreamt" is the only English word that ends in the letters "mt".
• February 1865 is the only month in recorded history not to have a full moon.
• In the last 4,000 years, no new animals have been domesticated.
• If the population of China walked past you, in single file, the line would never end because of the rate of reproduction.
• If you are an average American, in your whole life, you will spend an average of 6 months waiting at red lights.
• It's impossible to sneeze with your eyes open.
• Leonardo Da Vinci invented the scissors.
• Maine is the only state whose name is just one syllable.
• No word in the English language rhymes with month, orange, silver, or purple.
• On a Canadian two dollar bill, the flag flying over the Parliament building is an American flag.
• Our eyes are always the same size from birth, but our nose and ears never stop growing.
• Peanuts are one of the ingredients of dynamite.
• Rubber bands last longer when refrigerated.
• "Stewardesses" is the longest word typed with only the left hand and "lollipop" with your right.
• The average person's left hand does 56% of the typing.
• The cruise liner, QE2, moves only six inches for each gallon of diesel that it burns.
• The microwave was invented after a researcher walked by a radar tube and a chocolate bar melted in his pocket.
• The sentence: "The quick brown fox jumps over the lazy dog" uses every letter of the alphabet.
• The winter of 1932 was so cold that Niagara Falls froze completely solid.
• The words 'racecar,' 'kayak' and 'level' are the same whether they are read left to right or right to left (palindromes).
• There are 293 ways to make change for a dollar.
• There are more chickens than people in the world.
• There are only four words in the English language which end in "dous": tremendous, horrendous, stupendous, and hazardous
• There are two words in the English language that have all five vowels in order: "abstemious" and "facetious."
• There's no Betty Rubble in the Flintstones Chewables Vitamins.
• Tigers have striped skin, not just striped fur.
• TYPEWRITER is the longest word that can be made using the letters only on one row of the keyboard.
• Winston Churchill was born in a ladies' room during a dance.
• Women blink nearly twice as much as men.
• Your stomach has to produce a new layer of mucus every two weeks; otherwise it will digest itself.
.............Now you know everything
Monday, October 19, 2009
Catch up...
I know, long time no NOTHIN.
I'm here to update you all in the saga that is my life.
I moved to Boise in July and spent all of July, all of August and all of September looking for work. FINALLY, at the end of September I was hired on as a server at the Courtyard by Marriott in Banquets. Its basically Conference Services and catering together, we do all the set up and serve the food, clear dishes and completely tear down. I was really excited and very grateful to get the job but struggled because I was so out of shape (not doing anything for five months is killer) and because I was only getting a few hours a week.
Last Sunday night one of the online job searches I had used emailed me with a new posting for Vector Marketing. I had never heard of it and didn't really want to but filled out the application anyway. The next day I got a call that they wanted to set up an interview, they had an opening at 5:30 so I took it. The three part interview process took about three hours and at the end I had a job!
As of Wednesday I am an independent contractor for Vector Marketing showing Cutco in home appointments. I make my own schedule (outside of training which was Wednesday, Thursday and Friday last week, a few hours today and a few hours Wednesday night; and weekly team meetings) and get paid whether I sell or not - so its not only based on commission.
I did six appointments between training on Friday and Sunday night. I have three set up today and need lots more before next Sunday. I'm really excited at the opportunities with the company: the product is awesome and the people are honest and supportive; there's lots of room for advancement and pay advances - which after five months of unemployment is much needed.
Basically that's whats going on in my life.
Once again I will be attempting to update more often than once a month. In the mean time - enjoy your day!
I'm here to update you all in the saga that is my life.
I moved to Boise in July and spent all of July, all of August and all of September looking for work. FINALLY, at the end of September I was hired on as a server at the Courtyard by Marriott in Banquets. Its basically Conference Services and catering together, we do all the set up and serve the food, clear dishes and completely tear down. I was really excited and very grateful to get the job but struggled because I was so out of shape (not doing anything for five months is killer) and because I was only getting a few hours a week.
Last Sunday night one of the online job searches I had used emailed me with a new posting for Vector Marketing. I had never heard of it and didn't really want to but filled out the application anyway. The next day I got a call that they wanted to set up an interview, they had an opening at 5:30 so I took it. The three part interview process took about three hours and at the end I had a job!
As of Wednesday I am an independent contractor for Vector Marketing showing Cutco in home appointments. I make my own schedule (outside of training which was Wednesday, Thursday and Friday last week, a few hours today and a few hours Wednesday night; and weekly team meetings) and get paid whether I sell or not - so its not only based on commission.
I did six appointments between training on Friday and Sunday night. I have three set up today and need lots more before next Sunday. I'm really excited at the opportunities with the company: the product is awesome and the people are honest and supportive; there's lots of room for advancement and pay advances - which after five months of unemployment is much needed.
Basically that's whats going on in my life.
Once again I will be attempting to update more often than once a month. In the mean time - enjoy your day!
Monday, October 05, 2009
Children...
A Teacher presented each child in her classroom the 1st half of a well-known proverb and asked them to come up with the remainder of the proverb.
1.Don't change horses until they stop running.
2.Strike while the bug is close.
3.It's always darkest before Daylight Saving Time.
4.Never underestimate the power of termites.
5.You can lead a horse to water but How?
6.Don't bite the hand that looks dirty.
7.No news is impossible
8.A miss is as good as a Mr.
9.You can't teach an old dog new Math
10.If you lie down with dogs, you'll stink in the morning.
11.Love all, trust Me.
12.The pen is mightier than the pigs.
13.An idle mind is the best way to relax.
14.Where there's smoke there's pollution.
15.Happy the bride who gets all the presents.
16.A penny saved is not much.
17.Two's company, three's the Musketeers.
18.Don't put off till tomorrow what you put on to go to bed.
19.Laugh and the whole world laughs with you, cry and you have to blow your nose.
20.There are none so blind as Stevie Wonder.
21.Children should be seen and not spanked or grounded.
22.If at first you don't succeed get new batteries.
23.You get out of something only what you see in the picture on the box
24.When the blind lead the blind get out of the way.
25.A bird in the hand is going to poop on you.
26.Better late than . . . . .pregnant.
27. As you shall make your bed so shall you ... mess it up.
28. It is better to light one candle than to... light an explosive.
29. You have nothing to fear but... your Principal.
You have nothing to fear but... homework.
30. If you can't stand the heat... don't start the fireplace.
If you can't stand the heat... go swimming.
31. I think, therefore I... get a headache.
32. Early to bed and early to rise... is first in the bathroom.
33. A journey of a thousand miles begins with a... blister.
34. There is nothing new under the... bed.
35. The grass is always greener... when you leave the sprinkler on
The only stupid question is the one that is never asked, except maybe "Don't you think it is about time you audited my return?" or "Isn't it morally wrong to give me a warning when, in fact, I was speeding?" --Age 15
1.Don't change horses until they stop running.
2.Strike while the bug is close.
3.It's always darkest before Daylight Saving Time.
4.Never underestimate the power of termites.
5.You can lead a horse to water but How?
6.Don't bite the hand that looks dirty.
7.No news is impossible
8.A miss is as good as a Mr.
9.You can't teach an old dog new Math
10.If you lie down with dogs, you'll stink in the morning.
11.Love all, trust Me.
12.The pen is mightier than the pigs.
13.An idle mind is the best way to relax.
14.Where there's smoke there's pollution.
15.Happy the bride who gets all the presents.
16.A penny saved is not much.
17.Two's company, three's the Musketeers.
18.Don't put off till tomorrow what you put on to go to bed.
19.Laugh and the whole world laughs with you, cry and you have to blow your nose.
20.There are none so blind as Stevie Wonder.
21.Children should be seen and not spanked or grounded.
22.If at first you don't succeed get new batteries.
23.You get out of something only what you see in the picture on the box
24.When the blind lead the blind get out of the way.
25.A bird in the hand is going to poop on you.
26.Better late than . . . . .pregnant.
27. As you shall make your bed so shall you ... mess it up.
28. It is better to light one candle than to... light an explosive.
29. You have nothing to fear but... your Principal.
You have nothing to fear but... homework.
30. If you can't stand the heat... don't start the fireplace.
If you can't stand the heat... go swimming.
31. I think, therefore I... get a headache.
32. Early to bed and early to rise... is first in the bathroom.
33. A journey of a thousand miles begins with a... blister.
34. There is nothing new under the... bed.
35. The grass is always greener... when you leave the sprinkler on
The only stupid question is the one that is never asked, except maybe "Don't you think it is about time you audited my return?" or "Isn't it morally wrong to give me a warning when, in fact, I was speeding?" --Age 15
Saturday, September 19, 2009
Short Quiz
The following short quiz consists of four questions and will tell you whether you are qualified to be a professional smart person.
Scroll down for each answer.
The questions are NOT that difficult.
But don't scroll down UNTIL you have answered each question!
1. How do you put a giraffe into a refrigerator?
The correct answer is: Open the refrigerator, put in the giraffe, and close the door. This question tests whether you tend to do simple things in an overly complicated way.
2. How do you put an elephant into a refrigerator?
Did you say, "Open the refrigerator, put in the elephant, and close the refrigerator?"
Wrong Answer
Correct Answer: Open the refrigerator, take out the giraffe, put in the elephant, and close the door. This tests your ability to think through the repercussions of your previous actions.
3. The Lion King is hosting an animal conference. All the animals attend except one. Which animal does not attend?
Correct Answer: The Elephant. The elephant is in the refrigerator. You just put him in there. This tests your memory. Okay, even if you did not answer the first three questions correctly, you still have one more chance to show your true abilities.
4. There is a river you must cross, but it is used by crocodiles, and you do not have a boat. How do you manage it?
Correct Answer: You jump into the river and swim across. Have you been listening? All the crocodiles are attending the Animal Meeting. This tests whether you learn quickly from your mistakes.
According to Anderson Consulting Worldwide, around 90% of the professionals they tested got all questions wrong, but many preschoolers got several correct answers. Anderson Consulting says this conclusively proves the theory that most professionals do not have the brains of a four-year-old.
Scroll down for each answer.
The questions are NOT that difficult.
But don't scroll down UNTIL you have answered each question!
1. How do you put a giraffe into a refrigerator?
The correct answer is: Open the refrigerator, put in the giraffe, and close the door. This question tests whether you tend to do simple things in an overly complicated way.
2. How do you put an elephant into a refrigerator?
Did you say, "Open the refrigerator, put in the elephant, and close the refrigerator?"
Wrong Answer
Correct Answer: Open the refrigerator, take out the giraffe, put in the elephant, and close the door. This tests your ability to think through the repercussions of your previous actions.
3. The Lion King is hosting an animal conference. All the animals attend except one. Which animal does not attend?
Correct Answer: The Elephant. The elephant is in the refrigerator. You just put him in there. This tests your memory. Okay, even if you did not answer the first three questions correctly, you still have one more chance to show your true abilities.
4. There is a river you must cross, but it is used by crocodiles, and you do not have a boat. How do you manage it?
Correct Answer: You jump into the river and swim across. Have you been listening? All the crocodiles are attending the Animal Meeting. This tests whether you learn quickly from your mistakes.
According to Anderson Consulting Worldwide, around 90% of the professionals they tested got all questions wrong, but many preschoolers got several correct answers. Anderson Consulting says this conclusively proves the theory that most professionals do not have the brains of a four-year-old.
Sunday, September 13, 2009
This ad was posted to the personals:
To the guy who tried to mug me in downtown Savannah night before last.
Date: 05-27-09, 1:43 A. M. EST
I was the guy wearing the black Burberry jacket that you demanded that I hand over, shortly after you pulled the knife on my girlfriend and me, threatening our lives. You also asked for my girlfriend's purse and earrings. I can only hope that you somehow come across this rather important message.
First, I'd like to apologize for your embarrassment when I drew my pistol after you took my jacket. The evening was not that cold, and I was wearing the jacket for a reason. My girlfriend had just bought me that Kimber Model 1911 .45 A CP pistol for my birthday, and we had picked up a shoulder holster for it that very evening. Obviously you agree that it is a very intimidating weapon when pointed at your head, wasn't it?
I know it probably wasn't fun walking back to wherever you'd come from bare-footed since I made you leave your shoes, cell phone, and wallet with me. [That prevented you from calling or running to your buddies to come help mug us again].
After I called your mother or "Momma" as you had her listed in your cell, I explained the entire episode of what you'd done. Then I went and filled up my gas tank as well as four other people's in the gas station on your credit card. The guy with the big motor home took 150 gallons and was extremely grateful!
I gave your shoes to a homeless guy outside Vinnie Van Go Go's, along with all the cash in your wallet [that made his day!]. I then threw your wallet into the big pink "pimp mobile" that was parked at the curb ...after I broke the windshield and side window and keyed the entire driver's side of the car.
Later, I called a bunch of phone sex numbers from your cell phone. Ma Bell just now shut down the line, although I only used the phone for a little over a day now, so what's going on with that?
Earlier, I managed to get in two threatening phone calls to the DA's office and one to the FBI, while mentioning President Obama as my possible target. The FBI guy seemed really intense and we had a nice long chat (I guess while he traced your number).
In a way, perhaps I should apologize for not killing you ... but I feel this type of retribution is a far more appropriate punishment for your threatened crime. I wish you well as you try to sort through some of these rather immediate pressing issues, and can only hope that you have the opportunity to reflect upon, and perhaps reconsider the career path you've chosen to pursue in life. Remember, next time you might not be so lucky.
Have a good day!
Thoughtfully yours,
Alex
P.S. Remember this motto.... An armed society makes for a more civil society!
Date: 05-27-09, 1:43 A. M. EST
I was the guy wearing the black Burberry jacket that you demanded that I hand over, shortly after you pulled the knife on my girlfriend and me, threatening our lives. You also asked for my girlfriend's purse and earrings. I can only hope that you somehow come across this rather important message.
First, I'd like to apologize for your embarrassment when I drew my pistol after you took my jacket. The evening was not that cold, and I was wearing the jacket for a reason. My girlfriend had just bought me that Kimber Model 1911 .45 A CP pistol for my birthday, and we had picked up a shoulder holster for it that very evening. Obviously you agree that it is a very intimidating weapon when pointed at your head, wasn't it?
I know it probably wasn't fun walking back to wherever you'd come from bare-footed since I made you leave your shoes, cell phone, and wallet with me. [That prevented you from calling or running to your buddies to come help mug us again].
After I called your mother or "Momma" as you had her listed in your cell, I explained the entire episode of what you'd done. Then I went and filled up my gas tank as well as four other people's in the gas station on your credit card. The guy with the big motor home took 150 gallons and was extremely grateful!
I gave your shoes to a homeless guy outside Vinnie Van Go Go's, along with all the cash in your wallet [that made his day!]. I then threw your wallet into the big pink "pimp mobile" that was parked at the curb ...after I broke the windshield and side window and keyed the entire driver's side of the car.
Later, I called a bunch of phone sex numbers from your cell phone. Ma Bell just now shut down the line, although I only used the phone for a little over a day now, so what's going on with that?
Earlier, I managed to get in two threatening phone calls to the DA's office and one to the FBI, while mentioning President Obama as my possible target. The FBI guy seemed really intense and we had a nice long chat (I guess while he traced your number).
In a way, perhaps I should apologize for not killing you ... but I feel this type of retribution is a far more appropriate punishment for your threatened crime. I wish you well as you try to sort through some of these rather immediate pressing issues, and can only hope that you have the opportunity to reflect upon, and perhaps reconsider the career path you've chosen to pursue in life. Remember, next time you might not be so lucky.
Have a good day!
Thoughtfully yours,
Alex
P.S. Remember this motto.... An armed society makes for a more civil society!
Tuesday, August 25, 2009
KNOW YOUR STATE MOTTO
Alabama - H ell, Yes, We Have Electricity.
Alaska - 11,623 Eskimos Can't Be Wrong!
Arizona - Yes, But It's A Dry Heat.
Arkansas - Literacy Ain't Everythang.
California - By 30, Our Women Have More Plastic Than Your Honda.
Colorado - If You Don't Ski, Don't Bother.
Connecticut - Like Massachusetts , only smaller.
Delaware - We Really Do Like The Chemicals In Our Water.
Florida - Ask Us About Our Grand Kids And Our Voting Skills.
Georgia - We Put The Fun In Fundamentalist Extremism.
Hawaii - Haka Tiki Mou Sha'ami Leeki Toru (Death To Mainland Scum, Leave Your Money)
Idaho - More Than Just Potatoes. Well, Okay, We're Not, But The Potatoes Sure Are Real Good
Illinois - Please, Don't Pronounce the 'S'
Indiana - Billion Years Tidal Wave Free
Iowa - We Do Amazing Things With Corn
Kansas - First Of The Rectangle states
Kentucky - Five Million People; Fifteen Last Names
Louisiana - We're Not ALL Drunk Cajun Wackos, But That's Our Tourism Campaign.
Maine - We're Really Cold, But We Have Cheap Lobster
Maryland - If You Can Dream It, We Can Tax It
Massachusetts - Our Taxes Are Lower Than Sweden 's And Our Senators Are More Corrupt
Michigan - First Line Of Defense From The Canadians
Minnesota - 10,000 Lakes.... And 10 Zillion Mosquitoes
Mississippi - Come visit And Feel Better About Your Own State
Missouri - Your Federal Flood Relief Tax Dollars At Work
Montana - Land Of The Big Sky, The Unabomber, Right-wing Crazies, and Honest Elections
Nebraska - Ask About Our State Motto Contest
Nevada - Hookers and Poker!
New Hampshire - Go Away And Leave Us Alone
New Jersey - You Want A ##$%##! Motto? I Got Yer ##$%##! Motto Right here!
New Mexico - Lizards Make Excellent Pets
New York - You Have The Right To Remain Silent, You Have The Right To An Attorney,And No Right To Self Defense!
North Carolina - Tobacco Is A Vegetable
North Dakota - We Really Are One Of The 50 States!
Ohio - At Least We're Not Michigan
Oklahoma - Like The Play, But No Singing
Oregon - Spotted Owl... It's What's For Dinner
Pennsylvania - Cook With Coal
Rhode Island - ! We're Not REALLY An Island
South Carolina - Remember The Civil War? Well, We Didn't Actually Surrender, Yet!
South Dakota - Closer Than North Dakota
Tennessee - Home of the Al Gore Invention Museum
Texas - Se Hable Ingles
Utah - Our Jesus Is Better Than Your Jesus
Vermont - Too liberal for the Kennedys
Virginia - Who Says Government Stiffs And Slackjaw Yokels Don't Mix?
Washington - Our Governor can out-fraud your Governor!
West Virginia - One Big Happy Family...Really!
Wisconsin - Come Cut the Cheese!
Wyoming - Where Men are Men and the Sheep are Scared. Home of Brokeback Mountain
The District of Columbia - The Work-Free Drug Place
Alaska - 11,623 Eskimos Can't Be Wrong!
Arizona - Yes, But It's A Dry Heat.
Arkansas - Literacy Ain't Everythang.
California - By 30, Our Women Have More Plastic Than Your Honda.
Colorado - If You Don't Ski, Don't Bother.
Connecticut - Like Massachusetts , only smaller.
Delaware - We Really Do Like The Chemicals In Our Water.
Florida - Ask Us About Our Grand Kids And Our Voting Skills.
Georgia - We Put The Fun In Fundamentalist Extremism.
Hawaii - Haka Tiki Mou Sha'ami Leeki Toru (Death To Mainland Scum, Leave Your Money)
Idaho - More Than Just Potatoes. Well, Okay, We're Not, But The Potatoes Sure Are Real Good
Illinois - Please, Don't Pronounce the 'S'
Indiana - Billion Years Tidal Wave Free
Iowa - We Do Amazing Things With Corn
Kansas - First Of The Rectangle states
Kentucky - Five Million People; Fifteen Last Names
Louisiana - We're Not ALL Drunk Cajun Wackos, But That's Our Tourism Campaign.
Maine - We're Really Cold, But We Have Cheap Lobster
Maryland - If You Can Dream It, We Can Tax It
Massachusetts - Our Taxes Are Lower Than Sweden 's And Our Senators Are More Corrupt
Michigan - First Line Of Defense From The Canadians
Minnesota - 10,000 Lakes.... And 10 Zillion Mosquitoes
Mississippi - Come visit And Feel Better About Your Own State
Missouri - Your Federal Flood Relief Tax Dollars At Work
Montana - Land Of The Big Sky, The Unabomber, Right-wing Crazies, and Honest Elections
Nebraska - Ask About Our State Motto Contest
Nevada - Hookers and Poker!
New Hampshire - Go Away And Leave Us Alone
New Jersey - You Want A ##$%##! Motto? I Got Yer ##$%##! Motto Right here!
New Mexico - Lizards Make Excellent Pets
New York - You Have The Right To Remain Silent, You Have The Right To An Attorney,And No Right To Self Defense!
North Carolina - Tobacco Is A Vegetable
North Dakota - We Really Are One Of The 50 States!
Ohio - At Least We're Not Michigan
Oklahoma - Like The Play, But No Singing
Oregon - Spotted Owl... It's What's For Dinner
Pennsylvania - Cook With Coal
Rhode Island - ! We're Not REALLY An Island
South Carolina - Remember The Civil War? Well, We Didn't Actually Surrender, Yet!
South Dakota - Closer Than North Dakota
Tennessee - Home of the Al Gore Invention Museum
Texas - Se Hable Ingles
Utah - Our Jesus Is Better Than Your Jesus
Vermont - Too liberal for the Kennedys
Virginia - Who Says Government Stiffs And Slackjaw Yokels Don't Mix?
Washington - Our Governor can out-fraud your Governor!
West Virginia - One Big Happy Family...Really!
Wisconsin - Come Cut the Cheese!
Wyoming - Where Men are Men and the Sheep are Scared. Home of Brokeback Mountain
The District of Columbia - The Work-Free Drug Place
Thursday, July 09, 2009
A Woman Should Have...
A WOMAN SHOULD HAVE...
A set of screwdrivers,
A cordless drill,
And a black lace bra.
A WOMAN SHOULD HAVE...
One friend who always makes her laugh...
And one who lets her cry...
A WOMAN SHOULD HAVE...
A good piece of furniture not previously owned by anyone else in her family…
A WOMAN SHOULD HAVE
Eight matching plates,
Wine glasses with stems,
And a recipe for a meal that will make her guests feel honored.
A WOMAN SHOULD HAVE...
A feeling of control over her destiny...
EVERY WOMAN SHOULD KNOW...
How to fall in love
Without losing herself...
EVERY WOMAN SHOULD KNOW...
How to quit a job
break up with a lover
and confront a friend without ruining the friendship...
EVERY WOMAN SHOULD KNOW...
When to try harder... and WHEN TO WALK AWAY..
EVERY WOMAN SHOULD KNOW...
That she can't change
The length of her calves,
The width of her hips, or
The nature of her parents...
EVERY WOMAN SHOULD KNOW...
That her childhood may not have been perfect…
but; its over...
EVERY WOMAN SHOULD KNOW...
What she would and wouldn't do for love or more...
EVERY WOMAN SHOULD KNOW...
How to live alone...
Even if she doesn't like it...
EVERY WOMAN SHOULD KNOW...
Whom she can trust,
Whom she can't,
And why she shouldn't take it personally…
EVERY WOMAN SHOULD KNOW...
Where to go...
Be it to her best friend's kitchen table,
Or a charming inn in the woods,
When her soul needs soothing...
EVERY WOMAN SHOULD KNOW...
What she can and can't accomplish
In a day...
A month..
And a year...
If nothing else... know that you are truly loved and thought of by your girlfriends…and that they only wish the best for you and your life.
A set of screwdrivers,
A cordless drill,
And a black lace bra.
A WOMAN SHOULD HAVE...
One friend who always makes her laugh...
And one who lets her cry...
A WOMAN SHOULD HAVE...
A good piece of furniture not previously owned by anyone else in her family…
A WOMAN SHOULD HAVE
Eight matching plates,
Wine glasses with stems,
And a recipe for a meal that will make her guests feel honored.
A WOMAN SHOULD HAVE...
A feeling of control over her destiny...
EVERY WOMAN SHOULD KNOW...
How to fall in love
Without losing herself...
EVERY WOMAN SHOULD KNOW...
How to quit a job
break up with a lover
and confront a friend without ruining the friendship...
EVERY WOMAN SHOULD KNOW...
When to try harder... and WHEN TO WALK AWAY..
EVERY WOMAN SHOULD KNOW...
That she can't change
The length of her calves,
The width of her hips, or
The nature of her parents...
EVERY WOMAN SHOULD KNOW...
That her childhood may not have been perfect…
but; its over...
EVERY WOMAN SHOULD KNOW...
What she would and wouldn't do for love or more...
EVERY WOMAN SHOULD KNOW...
How to live alone...
Even if she doesn't like it...
EVERY WOMAN SHOULD KNOW...
Whom she can trust,
Whom she can't,
And why she shouldn't take it personally…
EVERY WOMAN SHOULD KNOW...
Where to go...
Be it to her best friend's kitchen table,
Or a charming inn in the woods,
When her soul needs soothing...
EVERY WOMAN SHOULD KNOW...
What she can and can't accomplish
In a day...
A month..
And a year...
If nothing else... know that you are truly loved and thought of by your girlfriends…and that they only wish the best for you and your life.
Tuesday, June 02, 2009
Firm Foundation (Matthew 7:24ff)
So we were sitting on the Mount of Beatitudes today under a canopy up the hill from the church. Hutch spoke on the different ways that we as Christians react to culture. Then there was some scripture reading and some singing. The focus wasn't really on anything, just Matthew 5-7, the Sermon on the Mount. Fitting seeing as we were sitting on the site commemorating that event.
The thing that caught my attention was the story of the man who built his house on the rock. And the rain fell down and the floods came up and wind blew and beat against the house, and the house did not fall because it was founded on the rock. It took me to the last...three years of my family's life. The rain fell, and the floods came, and the wind blew and beat against us. Daddy got sick. Bills came due. We lost Daddy, then we lost the house. More bills. Every time we thought we'd get a period of calm, another storm would rage. I spent two full years just waiting for the fifth, then the sixth and the seventh shoes to fall. Something always happened.
I remember wondering if God enjoyed kicking us while we laid on the floor writhing in pain. I remember feeling guilty for even thinking that. And I remember being amazed that somehow we were still functioning and surviving, and knowing that the only way we were still functioning and surviving was God. Try juxtaposing that! God must be kicking us while we're down because this sucks, but He's the only reason we haven't kicked the bucket yet.
It hit me today why we didn't kick the bucket. Firm foundation. Even the days I thought about being kicked I also thought about the gajillion other things God had gotten us through. It never ceases to amaze me how something like a foundation plays out in life. Today we saw the synagogue at Capernaum. The one you normally see in pictures and postcards is a beautiful limestone building, well half a building anyway. But under the limestone is the foundation of black basalt that dates back to the first century. Foundations remain. Even when the building is gone, foundations remain.
The fact of the matter is that my family survived the lose of father, home, grandfather, various dramatic and traumatic events, financial drought and medical issues in the past three years because God had laid a firm foundation in us. And because of that foundation even on the days we couldn't praise Him in the storm that was raging all around us, we knew He was still there. It is amazing to look back and see the ways that that foundation came through in those days. I remember waking up some days so angry at God I didn't want to get out of bed, and without even knowing what was happening I was up and around and singing some old hymn I didn't even remember learning. I would suddenly realize that I was singing and stop, wondering when I learned the song and when I had started singing it. In those moments, all I had was my foundation. But in those moments all I needed was my foundation. Because of my foundation the rest of me was rained on and nearly drowned and blown hither and yon but did not fall, because I was...I am founded on my Rock, my Redeemer, my ever present Help in time of need, my Singer, my Song, my Lord.
The thing that caught my attention was the story of the man who built his house on the rock. And the rain fell down and the floods came up and wind blew and beat against the house, and the house did not fall because it was founded on the rock. It took me to the last...three years of my family's life. The rain fell, and the floods came, and the wind blew and beat against us. Daddy got sick. Bills came due. We lost Daddy, then we lost the house. More bills. Every time we thought we'd get a period of calm, another storm would rage. I spent two full years just waiting for the fifth, then the sixth and the seventh shoes to fall. Something always happened.
I remember wondering if God enjoyed kicking us while we laid on the floor writhing in pain. I remember feeling guilty for even thinking that. And I remember being amazed that somehow we were still functioning and surviving, and knowing that the only way we were still functioning and surviving was God. Try juxtaposing that! God must be kicking us while we're down because this sucks, but He's the only reason we haven't kicked the bucket yet.
It hit me today why we didn't kick the bucket. Firm foundation. Even the days I thought about being kicked I also thought about the gajillion other things God had gotten us through. It never ceases to amaze me how something like a foundation plays out in life. Today we saw the synagogue at Capernaum. The one you normally see in pictures and postcards is a beautiful limestone building, well half a building anyway. But under the limestone is the foundation of black basalt that dates back to the first century. Foundations remain. Even when the building is gone, foundations remain.
The fact of the matter is that my family survived the lose of father, home, grandfather, various dramatic and traumatic events, financial drought and medical issues in the past three years because God had laid a firm foundation in us. And because of that foundation even on the days we couldn't praise Him in the storm that was raging all around us, we knew He was still there. It is amazing to look back and see the ways that that foundation came through in those days. I remember waking up some days so angry at God I didn't want to get out of bed, and without even knowing what was happening I was up and around and singing some old hymn I didn't even remember learning. I would suddenly realize that I was singing and stop, wondering when I learned the song and when I had started singing it. In those moments, all I had was my foundation. But in those moments all I needed was my foundation. Because of my foundation the rest of me was rained on and nearly drowned and blown hither and yon but did not fall, because I was...I am founded on my Rock, my Redeemer, my ever present Help in time of need, my Singer, my Song, my Lord.
Thursday, May 28, 2009
Negev Trip May 25-28 2009
We just returned from our three day trip to the Negev. On Tuesday we saw the Elah Valley, this is the place where David fought Goliath. We then went up to Tel Azekah and talked through the whole battle. Quite amazing to sit there in the shade of a tree and see it happening in the valley below you.
After Azekah we went to Beth Guvrin to this amphitheater. Circular ruins with lots of rocks and ups and downs. Guess who climbed it first? ME! I was all over that thing! It was awesome!
We went through three sets of caves. The first was the tomb of some influential family with funny pictures on the wall and this ridiculous Greek script that I couldn’t read (arg). The second was called ‘The Musicians Cave’ (also a tomb) because there was a mural of a pair of musicians on the wall. Large, really creepy. The last set was called Bell Caves. BEAUTIFUL. Huge, almost bell shaped caves, ups and downs and little hidden nooks and crannies. WAY cool.
We stopped by Lachish (Sennacherib kicked the crap outta the city) and then went to Azhkelon. Look it up on a map and tell me what we did there! Nope, too long. We swam in the Mediterranean! I have never enjoyed ridiculously salty water so much in my life. And it was this perfect teal color. Amazing.
That night we spent at a hostel in Mizpah-Ramon.
Wednesday we started at Makhtesh Ramon. This huge hole in the ground that is not as deep as the Grand Canyon but crazy wide. It literally looks like this gigantic swimming pool with little hills inside. Amazingly beautiful and bright in the early morning sun.
Our next stop was Avedat, or Oboda. This was a Nabatean and then a Byzantine city with MORE fun ruins to climb all over! Only the signs said ‘climbing prohibited’, so I obeyed even though the boys didn’t. I only broke the rules to climb up behind the sign that said ‘climbing prohibited’, couldn’t resist.
The next thing we did might be my favorite yet (except St. Anne’s). We did a ‘wadi walk’ through the Nahal (Hebrew for wadi – a dry riverbed) Zin. I can’t give you elevation or length. But we walked mostly straight up for a hour or more. It was crazy cool amazing. But what made it amazing wasn’t the views, which were beautiful and breath taking, or the ibex which are cute, or being with my new friends which was fun. What made it amazing was the climb. Hard and fast, zigzagging up, up, up, HOT, TANGIBLE. I got to do this, I wasn’t just looking at it, I was doing it. That’s why things like St. Anne’s, the amphitheater and the Mediterranean, and Nahal Zin stick with me, I did it. Mizpah Ramon was sweet, but all I got to do was look at it. I climbed Nahal Zin. And I had a blast.
We also stopped at Beer Sheba (think Abraham etc) and Arad. This night we stayed at a hostel in Arad. Had a little trouble with people coming in late, but all in all a good stay.
Thursday
Our first (and longest) stop today was Masada. We were up there for two full hours. It was this largest Tel we’ve seen and the most impressive. We walked up the rampart the Romans had built to get in and end the siege and then walked through the western palace and what was believed to be the temple room before seeing the triclinium turned synagogue. Then we climbed down to the third tier of the three tiered northern palace, great lookout spot. We climbed back up and walked through a roman bath.
Our next stop was the Dead (Salt Sea). We parked and changed and went down to the water. As soon as you go ‘under’ water the water just takes you and floats you. Jocelyn – I floated!!! Like normal people float I floated!!! All I needed was water that has a ridiculous percentage of minerals and salt in it!!! After lunch we went to Engedi, which is a wadi system that leads back to these prime hidden waterfalls into little pools that we swam in – fresh water. We splashed around a little bit and then walked up to the source and then back down.
Qumran came next, and we made it in with half an hour before closing time. We saw caves one and four from afar (you can’t actually go into them) and got some really sweet pictures.
After Azekah we went to Beth Guvrin to this amphitheater. Circular ruins with lots of rocks and ups and downs. Guess who climbed it first? ME! I was all over that thing! It was awesome!
We went through three sets of caves. The first was the tomb of some influential family with funny pictures on the wall and this ridiculous Greek script that I couldn’t read (arg). The second was called ‘The Musicians Cave’ (also a tomb) because there was a mural of a pair of musicians on the wall. Large, really creepy. The last set was called Bell Caves. BEAUTIFUL. Huge, almost bell shaped caves, ups and downs and little hidden nooks and crannies. WAY cool.
We stopped by Lachish (Sennacherib kicked the crap outta the city) and then went to Azhkelon. Look it up on a map and tell me what we did there! Nope, too long. We swam in the Mediterranean! I have never enjoyed ridiculously salty water so much in my life. And it was this perfect teal color. Amazing.
That night we spent at a hostel in Mizpah-Ramon.
Wednesday we started at Makhtesh Ramon. This huge hole in the ground that is not as deep as the Grand Canyon but crazy wide. It literally looks like this gigantic swimming pool with little hills inside. Amazingly beautiful and bright in the early morning sun.
Our next stop was Avedat, or Oboda. This was a Nabatean and then a Byzantine city with MORE fun ruins to climb all over! Only the signs said ‘climbing prohibited’, so I obeyed even though the boys didn’t. I only broke the rules to climb up behind the sign that said ‘climbing prohibited’, couldn’t resist.
The next thing we did might be my favorite yet (except St. Anne’s). We did a ‘wadi walk’ through the Nahal (Hebrew for wadi – a dry riverbed) Zin. I can’t give you elevation or length. But we walked mostly straight up for a hour or more. It was crazy cool amazing. But what made it amazing wasn’t the views, which were beautiful and breath taking, or the ibex which are cute, or being with my new friends which was fun. What made it amazing was the climb. Hard and fast, zigzagging up, up, up, HOT, TANGIBLE. I got to do this, I wasn’t just looking at it, I was doing it. That’s why things like St. Anne’s, the amphitheater and the Mediterranean, and Nahal Zin stick with me, I did it. Mizpah Ramon was sweet, but all I got to do was look at it. I climbed Nahal Zin. And I had a blast.
We also stopped at Beer Sheba (think Abraham etc) and Arad. This night we stayed at a hostel in Arad. Had a little trouble with people coming in late, but all in all a good stay.
Thursday
Our first (and longest) stop today was Masada. We were up there for two full hours. It was this largest Tel we’ve seen and the most impressive. We walked up the rampart the Romans had built to get in and end the siege and then walked through the western palace and what was believed to be the temple room before seeing the triclinium turned synagogue. Then we climbed down to the third tier of the three tiered northern palace, great lookout spot. We climbed back up and walked through a roman bath.
Our next stop was the Dead (Salt Sea). We parked and changed and went down to the water. As soon as you go ‘under’ water the water just takes you and floats you. Jocelyn – I floated!!! Like normal people float I floated!!! All I needed was water that has a ridiculous percentage of minerals and salt in it!!! After lunch we went to Engedi, which is a wadi system that leads back to these prime hidden waterfalls into little pools that we swam in – fresh water. We splashed around a little bit and then walked up to the source and then back down.
Qumran came next, and we made it in with half an hour before closing time. We saw caves one and four from afar (you can’t actually go into them) and got some really sweet pictures.
Random Israel Stuff
·When the War of Israeli Independence ended in late 1948, they true the truce line with a green crayon.
·The Hill of Evil council north of Jerusalem is where the UN currently has its buildings.
·They think they’ve found a tower build by Nehemiah to a retaining wall built by David.
·Hezekiah’s Tunnel gets zigzaggy in the middle because its when the two sides were trying to find each other.
·No one knows why Hezekiah didn’t build the tunnel in a straight line, they had the technology a year earlier.
·Finding the Qumran scrolls brought the oldest original scroll of scripture to 150BC.
·There are 49 cisterns and 43 passages underground on the area called Harem esh Sharif, the Temple Mount.
·The Temple Mount has layers of history: the binding of Isaac, David bought the threshing floor from a Jebusite, Solomon built the temple, the Assyrians destroyed it, they rebuilt the temple and then it was destroyed again by the Romans. The Byzantine Christians left it in ruins and the Moslems built the Dome of the Rock in 691. Since then it has been under Moslem control and the Jews have only had real access to the Western Wall.
·Jerusalem is 2500’ feet above sea level and gets and average of 25” of rain a year.
·There is a park in Israel commemorating the bicentennial of the US and a memorial to the Challenger incident. They also have a park called Canada park.
·The route Samson took from home to Timnah now has a high speed train following it, that train is now known as the Samson Express by 45 JUCers including myself.
·The tribe of Dan was originally given the coastal lands of the Mediterranean. Most of them chose instead to move northeast to above the Sea of Galilee. What would have happened if Dan had stayed?
·Solomon must have controlled Joppa and Gezer to get cedars from Lebanon to build his house and the temple. He married the Pharaoh’s (who had control of Gezer) daughter and Pharaoh gave him the city as a wedding present.
·Jericho is one of only three cities mentioned in the conquest as having been completely destroyed.
·In the day of our Lord, they would bury people in niches and seal it with rocks, wait about a year, remove the bones from the niche and put them in ossuaries to reuse the niche. Gives a new meaning to ‘let the dead bury their dead’ – doesn’t it?
·During the Passover Feast the population of Jerusalem swells, they may have been people camping out on the Mount of Olives. Maybe the Mount wasn’t as empty as we always portray it.
·Herod the Great was a ridiculously rich, psycho, mean man. He built fortresses everywhere and killed lots of people.
·The Hill of Evil council north of Jerusalem is where the UN currently has its buildings.
·They think they’ve found a tower build by Nehemiah to a retaining wall built by David.
·Hezekiah’s Tunnel gets zigzaggy in the middle because its when the two sides were trying to find each other.
·No one knows why Hezekiah didn’t build the tunnel in a straight line, they had the technology a year earlier.
·Finding the Qumran scrolls brought the oldest original scroll of scripture to 150BC.
·There are 49 cisterns and 43 passages underground on the area called Harem esh Sharif, the Temple Mount.
·The Temple Mount has layers of history: the binding of Isaac, David bought the threshing floor from a Jebusite, Solomon built the temple, the Assyrians destroyed it, they rebuilt the temple and then it was destroyed again by the Romans. The Byzantine Christians left it in ruins and the Moslems built the Dome of the Rock in 691. Since then it has been under Moslem control and the Jews have only had real access to the Western Wall.
·Jerusalem is 2500’ feet above sea level and gets and average of 25” of rain a year.
·There is a park in Israel commemorating the bicentennial of the US and a memorial to the Challenger incident. They also have a park called Canada park.
·The route Samson took from home to Timnah now has a high speed train following it, that train is now known as the Samson Express by 45 JUCers including myself.
·The tribe of Dan was originally given the coastal lands of the Mediterranean. Most of them chose instead to move northeast to above the Sea of Galilee. What would have happened if Dan had stayed?
·Solomon must have controlled Joppa and Gezer to get cedars from Lebanon to build his house and the temple. He married the Pharaoh’s (who had control of Gezer) daughter and Pharaoh gave him the city as a wedding present.
·Jericho is one of only three cities mentioned in the conquest as having been completely destroyed.
·In the day of our Lord, they would bury people in niches and seal it with rocks, wait about a year, remove the bones from the niche and put them in ossuaries to reuse the niche. Gives a new meaning to ‘let the dead bury their dead’ – doesn’t it?
·During the Passover Feast the population of Jerusalem swells, they may have been people camping out on the Mount of Olives. Maybe the Mount wasn’t as empty as we always portray it.
·Herod the Great was a ridiculously rich, psycho, mean man. He built fortresses everywhere and killed lots of people.
Randomness out of my travel journal
Notes about long flights:
Windows are great, except when you have to pee. Sacrifice the ten minute view for 10 hours of free peeing.
Drink of lots of water. Dehydration is too easy and it sucks.
Taking the contacts out was a great idea.
By the end of my first set of travel I will had navigated through three airports, four terminals, two airlines, two planes, two bus stations, two stations and three countries on two continents. Not bad for a days work.
Flying above moving clouds is a trip – flying about stationary clouds is WAY cooler.
In Scotland, roundabouts go left.
In Scotland, across the street from the airport is the perfect picturesque Scottish farmhouse.
In Scotland they have fantastic public transportation with double-decker buses and great drivers.
In Scotland its all green, earthy, beautiful, breath taking.
There is a prayer chapel in the Edinburgh Airport, complete with prayer rugs, books of Mormon, crucifixes and stained glass.
RBS – Make it happen. Hell yes.
Monday, May 18, 2009
Beginning of catch-up...
Sorry, I was gonna post more, but internet cost a pound for 15 minutes at the hostel, and that just gets ridiculous. So, I'm going to start where I am now an work backwards and forwards at the same time!!
I got to the airport last night and caught up on facebook and email and then went and joined the group from Simpson. We boarded and took off at landed in Tel Aviv this morning at 5:30am, got our luggage and traveled into Jerusalem via van. We got here and I unpacked (novel concept, COMPLETELY difficult living out of a backpack, not the living out of something concept, the hiker's backpack part) and took a shower and SLEPT. For longer than I meant to, but whatever. Ate lunch, and now I'm trying to catch up!!!
I had a somewhat profound thought this morning. The sun was just rising as we landed and left the airport. As it got above the horizon I thought to myself, "wow, this is the sun Jesus saw ever morning, especially those mornings He went out early to pray." This of course brought to mind movie lines (because what in my world doesn't?) from Newsies: "You know, you should see Santa Fe, everything’s different there. It’s all bigger. The desert, the sky, the sun..." She replies, "It’s the same sun as here." And he answers, "Yeah, it just looks different." And he's right - it does:it's bigger and closer and somewhat clouded but more radiant. But the point is that whether the sun looks different or not, the sun I saw come up this morning is the same sun Jocelyn will see when she drives to Orland to work this morning and it is the same sun Doug saw in Thailand when he got up at the ridiculously early hours he does. And rather than that commonality belittling it, this magnifies it all the more for me. Not only is the sun the same here, it will be the same sun when I get back to the states. And that will be the real test, can I live for the Son under the same sun He saw when I'm not where He walked?
I got to the airport last night and caught up on facebook and email and then went and joined the group from Simpson. We boarded and took off at landed in Tel Aviv this morning at 5:30am, got our luggage and traveled into Jerusalem via van. We got here and I unpacked (novel concept, COMPLETELY difficult living out of a backpack, not the living out of something concept, the hiker's backpack part) and took a shower and SLEPT. For longer than I meant to, but whatever. Ate lunch, and now I'm trying to catch up!!!
I had a somewhat profound thought this morning. The sun was just rising as we landed and left the airport. As it got above the horizon I thought to myself, "wow, this is the sun Jesus saw ever morning, especially those mornings He went out early to pray." This of course brought to mind movie lines (because what in my world doesn't?) from Newsies: "You know, you should see Santa Fe, everything’s different there. It’s all bigger. The desert, the sky, the sun..." She replies, "It’s the same sun as here." And he answers, "Yeah, it just looks different." And he's right - it does:it's bigger and closer and somewhat clouded but more radiant. But the point is that whether the sun looks different or not, the sun I saw come up this morning is the same sun Jocelyn will see when she drives to Orland to work this morning and it is the same sun Doug saw in Thailand when he got up at the ridiculously early hours he does. And rather than that commonality belittling it, this magnifies it all the more for me. Not only is the sun the same here, it will be the same sun when I get back to the states. And that will be the real test, can I live for the Son under the same sun He saw when I'm not where He walked?
Tuesday, May 12, 2009
Chocolate...
For the past seven years of my life that has been a word I hated. When I could eat it chocolate was the greatest thing on the planet - especially when combined with peanut butter. And then I couldn't eat it anymore...and it became worse than a swear word or lemon juice in a paper cut. When we discovered I was allergy to sugar and I was told to cut it out, I did it. No more chocolate, or cookies or cake or soda or fruit juice or fruit or spaghetti sauce a zillion other things, including splenda. Most days when I see 'sugar free' chocolate it just has splenda in it. This chocolate doesn't.
I was just about to start a big blab about how this chocolate that doesn't have sugar in it and that I can finally eat and won't kill me. Then I looked up the first ingredient - maltitol. A sugar alcohol. According to Wikipedia maltitol has 90% of the sweetness of sugar and all the same properties. What was I thinking?
It was SO good! I saw it and left it, and then we came back and I got it. And then we walked some more and then when we were waiting for the bus I ate some - and didn't die, didn't even get a headache. And then when we got back to the house I ate some more - and I'm still not dead. I'm probably two and a half inches into probably a nine inch bar. I'm not dead yet, I can't even really feel it. I'm just tired. Jesse pointed out that all the walking today (all over three coastal cities) probably helped work it through my system. It melted in my mouth. I could feel it melt and then spread all over my tongue. It was glorious. And now its gone. Only I still have six inches of chocolate sitting in front of me.
Sometimes, its better never to try something than to try it and like it and lose it. Whoever said 'it is better to have loved and lost than to have never loved at' probably never loved anyone. And probably was never told she couldn't eat chocolate ever again.
I was just about to start a big blab about how this chocolate that doesn't have sugar in it and that I can finally eat and won't kill me. Then I looked up the first ingredient - maltitol. A sugar alcohol. According to Wikipedia maltitol has 90% of the sweetness of sugar and all the same properties. What was I thinking?
It was SO good! I saw it and left it, and then we came back and I got it. And then we walked some more and then when we were waiting for the bus I ate some - and didn't die, didn't even get a headache. And then when we got back to the house I ate some more - and I'm still not dead. I'm probably two and a half inches into probably a nine inch bar. I'm not dead yet, I can't even really feel it. I'm just tired. Jesse pointed out that all the walking today (all over three coastal cities) probably helped work it through my system. It melted in my mouth. I could feel it melt and then spread all over my tongue. It was glorious. And now its gone. Only I still have six inches of chocolate sitting in front of me.
Sometimes, its better never to try something than to try it and like it and lose it. Whoever said 'it is better to have loved and lost than to have never loved at' probably never loved anyone. And probably was never told she couldn't eat chocolate ever again.
Saturday, April 11, 2009
Music Is Essential
Welcome address to freshman class at Boston Conservatory given by Karl Paulnack, pianist and director of music division at Boston Conservatory [September 2008]
"One of my parents' deepest fears, I suspect, is that society would not properly value me as a musician, that I wouldn't be appreciated. I had very good grades in high school, I was good in science and math, and they imagined that as a doctor or a research chemist or an engineer, I might be more appreciated than I would be as a musician. I still remember my mother's remark when I announced my decision to apply to music school-she said, "You're WASTING your SAT scores." On some level, I think, my parents were not sure themselves what the value of music was, what its purpose was. And they LOVED music, they listened to classical music all the time. They just weren't really clear about its function. So let me talk about that a little bit, because we live in a society that puts music in the "arts and entertainment" section of the newspaper, and serious music, the kind your kids are about to engage in, has absolutely nothing whatsoever to do with entertainment, in fact it's the opposite of entertainment. Let me talk a little bit about music, and how it works.
The first people to understand how music really works were the ancient Greeks. And this is going to fascinate you; the Greeks said that music and astronomy were two sides of the same coin. Astronomy was seen as the study of relationships between observable, permanent, external objects, and music was seen as the study of relationships between invisible, internal, hidden objects. Music has a way of finding the big, invisible moving pieces inside our hearts and souls and helping us figure out the position of things inside us. Let me give you some examples of how this works.
One of the most profound musical compositions of all time is the Quartet for the End of Time written by French composer Olivier Messiaen in 1940. Messiaen was 31 years old when France entered the war against Nazi Germany. He was captured by the Germans in June of 1940, sent across Germany in a cattle car and imprisoned in a concentration camp. He was fortunate to find a sympathetic prison guard who gave him paper and a place to compose. There were three other musicians in the camp, a cellist, a violinist, and a clarinetist, and Messiaen wrote his quartet with these specific players in mind. It was performed in January 1941 for four
thousand prisoners and guards in the prison camp. Today it is one of the most famous masterworks in the repertoire. Given what we have since learned about life in the concentration camps, why would anyone in his right mind waste time and energy writing or playing music? There was barely enough energy on a good day to find food and water, to avoid a beating, to stay warm, to escape torture-why would anyone bother with music? And yet-from the camps, we have poetry, we have music, we have visual art; it wasn't just this one fanatic Messiaen; many, many people created art. Why? Well, in a place where people are only focused on survival, on the bare necessities, the obvious conclusion is that art must be, somehow, essential for life. The camps were without money, without hope, without commerce, without recreation, without basic respect, but they were not without art. Art is part of survival; art is part of the human spirit, an unquenchable expression of who we are. Art is one of the ways in which we say, "I am alive, and my life has meaning."
On September 12, 2001 I was a resident of Manhattan. That morning I reached a new understanding of my art and its relationship to the world. I sat down at the piano that morning at 10 AM to practice as was my daily routine; I did it by force of habit, without thinking about it. I lifted the cover on the keyboard, and opened my music, and put my hands on the keys and took my hands off the keys. And I sat there and thought, does this even matter? Isn't this completely irrelevant? Playing the piano right now, given what happened in this city yesterday, seems silly, absurd, irreverent, pointless. Why am I here? What place has a musician in this moment in time? Who needs a piano player right now? I was completely lost. And then I, along with the rest of New York, went through the journey of getting through that week. I did not play the piano that day, and in fact I contemplated briefly whether I would ever want to play the piano again. And then I observed how we got through the day. At least in my neighborhood, we didn't shoot hoops or play Scrabble. We didn't play cards to pass the time, we didn't watch TV, we didn't shop, we most certainly did not go to the mall. The first organized activity that I saw in New York, that same day, was singing. People sang. People sang around firehouses, people sang "We Shall Overcome". Lots of people sang America the Beautiful. The first organized public event that I remember was the Brahms Requiem, later that week, at Lincoln Center, with the New York Philharmonic. The first organized public expression of grief, our first communal response to that historic event, was a concert. That was the beginning of a sense that life might go on. The US Military secured the airspace, but recovery was led by the arts, and by music in particular, that very night.
From these two experiences, I have come to understand that music is not part of "arts and entertainment" as the newspaper section would have us believe. It's not a luxury, a lavish thing that we fund from leftovers of our budgets, not a plaything or an amusement or a pass time. Music is a basic need of human survival. Music is one of the ways we make sense of our lives, one of the ways in which we express feelings when we have no words, a way for us to understand things with our hearts when we can't with our minds.
Some of you may know Samuel Barber's heartwrenchingly beautiful piece Adagio for Strings. If you don't know it by that name, then some of you may know it as the background music which accompanied the Oliver Stone movie Platoon, a film about the Vietnam War. If you know that piece of music either way, you know it has the ability to crack your heart open like a walnut; it can make you cry over sadness you didn't know you had. Music can slip beneath our conscious reality to get at what's really going on inside us the way a good therapist does. I bet that you have never been to a wedding where there was absolutely no music. There might have been only a little music, there might have been some really bad music, but I bet you there was some music. And something very predictable happens at weddings-people get all pent up with all kinds of emotions, and then there's some musical moment where the action of the wedding stops and someone sings or plays the flute or something. And even if the music is lame, even if the quality isn't good, predictably 30 or 40 percent of the people who are going to cry at a wedding cry a couple of moments after the music starts. Why? The Greeks. Music allows us to move around those big invisible pieces of ourselves and rearrange our insides so that we can express what we feel even when we can't talk about it. Can you imagine watching Indiana Jones or Superman or Star Wars with the dialogue but no music? What is it about the music swelling up at just the right moment in ET so that all the softies in the audience start crying at exactly the same moment? I guarantee you if you showed the movie with the music stripped out, it wouldn't happen that way. The Greeks: Music is the understanding of the relationship between invisible internal objects.
I'll give you one more example, the story of the most important concert of my life. I must tell you I have played a little less than a thousand concerts in my life so far. I have played in places that I thought were important. I like playing in Carnegie Hall; I enjoyed playing in Paris; it made me very happy to please the critics in St. Petersburg. I have played for people I thought were important; music critics of major newspapers, foreign heads of state. The most important concert of my entire life took place in a nursing home in Fargo, ND, about 4 years ago. I was playing with a very dear friend of mine who is a violinist. We began, as we often do, with Aaron Copland's Sonata, which was written during World War II and dedicated to a young friend of Copland's, a young pilot who was shot down during the war. Now we often talk to our audiences about the pieces we are going to play rather than providing them with written program notes. But in this case, because we began the concert with this piece, we decided to talk about the piece later in the program and to just come out and play the music without explanation. Midway through the piece, an elderly man seated in a wheelchair near the front of the concert hall began to weep. This man, whom I later met, was clearly a soldier-even in his 70's, it was clear from his buzz-cut hair, square jaw and general demeanor that he had spent a good deal of his life in the military. I thought it a little bit odd that someone would be moved to tears by that particular movement of that particular piece, but it wasn't the first time I've heard crying in a concert and we went on with the concert and finished the piece. When we came out to play the next piece on the program, we decided to talk about both the first and second pieces, and we described the circumstances in which the Copland was written and mentioned its dedication to a downed pilot. The man in the front of the audience became so disturbed that he had to leave the auditorium. I honestly figured that we would not see him again, but he did come backstage afterwards, tears and all, to explain himself. What he told us was this: "During World War II, I was a pilot, and I was in an aerial combat situation where one of my team's planes was hit. I watched my friend bail out, and watched his parachute open, but the Japanese planes which had engaged us returned and machine gunned across the parachute chords so as to separate the parachute from the pilot, and I watched my friend drop away into the ocean, realizing that he was lost. I have not thought about this for many years, but during that first piece of music you played, this memory returned to me so vividly that it was as though I was reliving it. I didn't understand why this was happening, why now, but then when you came out to explain that this piece of music was written to commemorate a lost pilot, it was a little more than I could handle. How does the music do that? How did it find those feelings and those memories in me?
Remember the Greeks: music is the study of invisible relationships between internal objects. This concert in Fargo was the most important work I have ever done. For me to play for this old soldier and help him connect, somehow, with Aaron Copland, and to connect their memories of their lost friends, to help him remember and mourn his friend, this is my work. This is why music matters.
What follows is part of the talk I will give to this year's freshman class when I welcome them a few days from now. The responsibility I will charge your sons and daughters with is this:
"If we were a medical school, and you were here as a med student practicing appendectomies, you'd take your work very seriously because you would imagine that some night at two AM someone is going to waltz into your emergency room and you're going to have to save their life. Well, my friends, someday at 8 PM someone is going to walk into your concert hall and bring you a mind that is confused, a heart that is overwhelmed, a soul that is weary. Whether they go out whole again will depend partly on how well you do your craft. You're not here to become an entertainer, and you don't have to sell yourself. The truth is you don't have anything to sell; being a musician isn't about dispensing a product, like selling used Chevys. I'm not an entertainer; I'm a lot closer to a paramedic, a firefighter, a rescue worker. You're here to become a sort of therapist for the human soul, a spiritual version of a chiropractor, physical therapist, someone who works with our insides to see if they get things to line up, to see if we can come into harmony with ourselves and be healthy and happy and well.
Frankly, ladies and gentlemen, I expect you not only to master music; I expect you to save the planet. If there is a future wave of wellness on this planet, of harmony, of peace, of an end to war, of mutual understanding, of equality, of fairness, I don't expect it will come from a government, a military force or a corporation. I no longer even expect it to come from the religions of the world, which together seem to have brought us as much war as they have peace. If there is a future of peace for humankind, if there is to be an understanding of how these invisible, internal things should fit together, I expect it will come from the artists, because that's what we do. As in the concentration camp and the evening of 9/11, the artists are the ones who might be able to help us with our internal, invisible lives."
I can only add one thing to this: God gave music.
"One of my parents' deepest fears, I suspect, is that society would not properly value me as a musician, that I wouldn't be appreciated. I had very good grades in high school, I was good in science and math, and they imagined that as a doctor or a research chemist or an engineer, I might be more appreciated than I would be as a musician. I still remember my mother's remark when I announced my decision to apply to music school-she said, "You're WASTING your SAT scores." On some level, I think, my parents were not sure themselves what the value of music was, what its purpose was. And they LOVED music, they listened to classical music all the time. They just weren't really clear about its function. So let me talk about that a little bit, because we live in a society that puts music in the "arts and entertainment" section of the newspaper, and serious music, the kind your kids are about to engage in, has absolutely nothing whatsoever to do with entertainment, in fact it's the opposite of entertainment. Let me talk a little bit about music, and how it works.
The first people to understand how music really works were the ancient Greeks. And this is going to fascinate you; the Greeks said that music and astronomy were two sides of the same coin. Astronomy was seen as the study of relationships between observable, permanent, external objects, and music was seen as the study of relationships between invisible, internal, hidden objects. Music has a way of finding the big, invisible moving pieces inside our hearts and souls and helping us figure out the position of things inside us. Let me give you some examples of how this works.
One of the most profound musical compositions of all time is the Quartet for the End of Time written by French composer Olivier Messiaen in 1940. Messiaen was 31 years old when France entered the war against Nazi Germany. He was captured by the Germans in June of 1940, sent across Germany in a cattle car and imprisoned in a concentration camp. He was fortunate to find a sympathetic prison guard who gave him paper and a place to compose. There were three other musicians in the camp, a cellist, a violinist, and a clarinetist, and Messiaen wrote his quartet with these specific players in mind. It was performed in January 1941 for four
thousand prisoners and guards in the prison camp. Today it is one of the most famous masterworks in the repertoire. Given what we have since learned about life in the concentration camps, why would anyone in his right mind waste time and energy writing or playing music? There was barely enough energy on a good day to find food and water, to avoid a beating, to stay warm, to escape torture-why would anyone bother with music? And yet-from the camps, we have poetry, we have music, we have visual art; it wasn't just this one fanatic Messiaen; many, many people created art. Why? Well, in a place where people are only focused on survival, on the bare necessities, the obvious conclusion is that art must be, somehow, essential for life. The camps were without money, without hope, without commerce, without recreation, without basic respect, but they were not without art. Art is part of survival; art is part of the human spirit, an unquenchable expression of who we are. Art is one of the ways in which we say, "I am alive, and my life has meaning."
On September 12, 2001 I was a resident of Manhattan. That morning I reached a new understanding of my art and its relationship to the world. I sat down at the piano that morning at 10 AM to practice as was my daily routine; I did it by force of habit, without thinking about it. I lifted the cover on the keyboard, and opened my music, and put my hands on the keys and took my hands off the keys. And I sat there and thought, does this even matter? Isn't this completely irrelevant? Playing the piano right now, given what happened in this city yesterday, seems silly, absurd, irreverent, pointless. Why am I here? What place has a musician in this moment in time? Who needs a piano player right now? I was completely lost. And then I, along with the rest of New York, went through the journey of getting through that week. I did not play the piano that day, and in fact I contemplated briefly whether I would ever want to play the piano again. And then I observed how we got through the day. At least in my neighborhood, we didn't shoot hoops or play Scrabble. We didn't play cards to pass the time, we didn't watch TV, we didn't shop, we most certainly did not go to the mall. The first organized activity that I saw in New York, that same day, was singing. People sang. People sang around firehouses, people sang "We Shall Overcome". Lots of people sang America the Beautiful. The first organized public event that I remember was the Brahms Requiem, later that week, at Lincoln Center, with the New York Philharmonic. The first organized public expression of grief, our first communal response to that historic event, was a concert. That was the beginning of a sense that life might go on. The US Military secured the airspace, but recovery was led by the arts, and by music in particular, that very night.
From these two experiences, I have come to understand that music is not part of "arts and entertainment" as the newspaper section would have us believe. It's not a luxury, a lavish thing that we fund from leftovers of our budgets, not a plaything or an amusement or a pass time. Music is a basic need of human survival. Music is one of the ways we make sense of our lives, one of the ways in which we express feelings when we have no words, a way for us to understand things with our hearts when we can't with our minds.
Some of you may know Samuel Barber's heartwrenchingly beautiful piece Adagio for Strings. If you don't know it by that name, then some of you may know it as the background music which accompanied the Oliver Stone movie Platoon, a film about the Vietnam War. If you know that piece of music either way, you know it has the ability to crack your heart open like a walnut; it can make you cry over sadness you didn't know you had. Music can slip beneath our conscious reality to get at what's really going on inside us the way a good therapist does. I bet that you have never been to a wedding where there was absolutely no music. There might have been only a little music, there might have been some really bad music, but I bet you there was some music. And something very predictable happens at weddings-people get all pent up with all kinds of emotions, and then there's some musical moment where the action of the wedding stops and someone sings or plays the flute or something. And even if the music is lame, even if the quality isn't good, predictably 30 or 40 percent of the people who are going to cry at a wedding cry a couple of moments after the music starts. Why? The Greeks. Music allows us to move around those big invisible pieces of ourselves and rearrange our insides so that we can express what we feel even when we can't talk about it. Can you imagine watching Indiana Jones or Superman or Star Wars with the dialogue but no music? What is it about the music swelling up at just the right moment in ET so that all the softies in the audience start crying at exactly the same moment? I guarantee you if you showed the movie with the music stripped out, it wouldn't happen that way. The Greeks: Music is the understanding of the relationship between invisible internal objects.
I'll give you one more example, the story of the most important concert of my life. I must tell you I have played a little less than a thousand concerts in my life so far. I have played in places that I thought were important. I like playing in Carnegie Hall; I enjoyed playing in Paris; it made me very happy to please the critics in St. Petersburg. I have played for people I thought were important; music critics of major newspapers, foreign heads of state. The most important concert of my entire life took place in a nursing home in Fargo, ND, about 4 years ago. I was playing with a very dear friend of mine who is a violinist. We began, as we often do, with Aaron Copland's Sonata, which was written during World War II and dedicated to a young friend of Copland's, a young pilot who was shot down during the war. Now we often talk to our audiences about the pieces we are going to play rather than providing them with written program notes. But in this case, because we began the concert with this piece, we decided to talk about the piece later in the program and to just come out and play the music without explanation. Midway through the piece, an elderly man seated in a wheelchair near the front of the concert hall began to weep. This man, whom I later met, was clearly a soldier-even in his 70's, it was clear from his buzz-cut hair, square jaw and general demeanor that he had spent a good deal of his life in the military. I thought it a little bit odd that someone would be moved to tears by that particular movement of that particular piece, but it wasn't the first time I've heard crying in a concert and we went on with the concert and finished the piece. When we came out to play the next piece on the program, we decided to talk about both the first and second pieces, and we described the circumstances in which the Copland was written and mentioned its dedication to a downed pilot. The man in the front of the audience became so disturbed that he had to leave the auditorium. I honestly figured that we would not see him again, but he did come backstage afterwards, tears and all, to explain himself. What he told us was this: "During World War II, I was a pilot, and I was in an aerial combat situation where one of my team's planes was hit. I watched my friend bail out, and watched his parachute open, but the Japanese planes which had engaged us returned and machine gunned across the parachute chords so as to separate the parachute from the pilot, and I watched my friend drop away into the ocean, realizing that he was lost. I have not thought about this for many years, but during that first piece of music you played, this memory returned to me so vividly that it was as though I was reliving it. I didn't understand why this was happening, why now, but then when you came out to explain that this piece of music was written to commemorate a lost pilot, it was a little more than I could handle. How does the music do that? How did it find those feelings and those memories in me?
Remember the Greeks: music is the study of invisible relationships between internal objects. This concert in Fargo was the most important work I have ever done. For me to play for this old soldier and help him connect, somehow, with Aaron Copland, and to connect their memories of their lost friends, to help him remember and mourn his friend, this is my work. This is why music matters.
What follows is part of the talk I will give to this year's freshman class when I welcome them a few days from now. The responsibility I will charge your sons and daughters with is this:
"If we were a medical school, and you were here as a med student practicing appendectomies, you'd take your work very seriously because you would imagine that some night at two AM someone is going to waltz into your emergency room and you're going to have to save their life. Well, my friends, someday at 8 PM someone is going to walk into your concert hall and bring you a mind that is confused, a heart that is overwhelmed, a soul that is weary. Whether they go out whole again will depend partly on how well you do your craft. You're not here to become an entertainer, and you don't have to sell yourself. The truth is you don't have anything to sell; being a musician isn't about dispensing a product, like selling used Chevys. I'm not an entertainer; I'm a lot closer to a paramedic, a firefighter, a rescue worker. You're here to become a sort of therapist for the human soul, a spiritual version of a chiropractor, physical therapist, someone who works with our insides to see if they get things to line up, to see if we can come into harmony with ourselves and be healthy and happy and well.
Frankly, ladies and gentlemen, I expect you not only to master music; I expect you to save the planet. If there is a future wave of wellness on this planet, of harmony, of peace, of an end to war, of mutual understanding, of equality, of fairness, I don't expect it will come from a government, a military force or a corporation. I no longer even expect it to come from the religions of the world, which together seem to have brought us as much war as they have peace. If there is a future of peace for humankind, if there is to be an understanding of how these invisible, internal things should fit together, I expect it will come from the artists, because that's what we do. As in the concentration camp and the evening of 9/11, the artists are the ones who might be able to help us with our internal, invisible lives."
I can only add one thing to this: God gave music.
Thursday, April 09, 2009
I Owe It All to My Mother
1. My mother taught me TO APPRECIATE A JOB WELL DONE.
"If you're going to kill each other, do it outside. I just finished cleaning."
2. My mother taught me RELIGION.
"You better pray that will come out of the carpet."
3. My mother taught me about TIME TRAVEL.
"If you don't straighten up, I'm going to knock you into the middle of next week!"
4. My mother taught me LOGIC.
"Because I said so! That's why."
5. My mother taught me MORE LOGIC
"If you fall out of that swing and break your neck, you're not going to the store with me."
6. My mother taught me FORESIGHT.
"Make sure you wear clean underwear, in case you're in an accident."
7. My mother taught me IRONY
"Keep crying, and I'll give you something to cry about."
8. My mother taught me about the science of OSMOSIS.
"Shut your mouth and eat your supper."
9. My mother taught me about CONTORTIONISM.
"Will you look at that dirt on the back of your neck!"
10. My mother taught me about STAMINA.
"You'll sit there until all that spinach is gone."
11. My mother taught me about WEATHER.
"This room of yours looks as if a tornado went through it."
12. My mother taught me about HYPOCRISY.
"If I told you once, I've told you a million times. Don't exaggerate!"
13. My mother taught me the CIRCLE OF LIFE.
"I brought you into this world, and I can take you out of it."
14. My mother taught me about BEHAVIOR MODIFICATION.
"Stop acting like your father!"
15. My mother taught me about ENVY.
"There are millions of less fortunate children in this world who don't have wonderful parents like you do."
16. My mother taught me about ANTICIPATION.
"Just wait until we get home."
17. My mother taught me about RECEIVING.
"You are going to get it when you get home!"
18. My mother taught me MEDICAL SCIENCE.
"If you don't stop crossing your eyes, they are going to freeze that way."
19. My mother taught me ESP.
"Put your sweater on; don't you think I know when you’re cold?"
20. My mother taught me HUMOR.
"When that lawn mower cuts off your toes, don't come running to me."
21. My mother taught me HOW TO BECOME AN ADULT.
"If you don't eat your vegetables, you'll never grow up."
22. My mother taught me GENETICS.
"You're just like your father."
23. My mother taught me about my ROOTS.
"Shut that door behind you. Do you think you were born in a barn?"
24. My mother taught me WISDOM.
"When you get to be my age, you'll understand."
25. And my favorite: My mother taught me about JUSTICE.
"One day you'll have kids, and I hope they turn out just like you!"
"If you're going to kill each other, do it outside. I just finished cleaning."
2. My mother taught me RELIGION.
"You better pray that will come out of the carpet."
3. My mother taught me about TIME TRAVEL.
"If you don't straighten up, I'm going to knock you into the middle of next week!"
4. My mother taught me LOGIC.
"Because I said so! That's why."
5. My mother taught me MORE LOGIC
"If you fall out of that swing and break your neck, you're not going to the store with me."
6. My mother taught me FORESIGHT.
"Make sure you wear clean underwear, in case you're in an accident."
7. My mother taught me IRONY
"Keep crying, and I'll give you something to cry about."
8. My mother taught me about the science of OSMOSIS.
"Shut your mouth and eat your supper."
9. My mother taught me about CONTORTIONISM.
"Will you look at that dirt on the back of your neck!"
10. My mother taught me about STAMINA.
"You'll sit there until all that spinach is gone."
11. My mother taught me about WEATHER.
"This room of yours looks as if a tornado went through it."
12. My mother taught me about HYPOCRISY.
"If I told you once, I've told you a million times. Don't exaggerate!"
13. My mother taught me the CIRCLE OF LIFE.
"I brought you into this world, and I can take you out of it."
14. My mother taught me about BEHAVIOR MODIFICATION.
"Stop acting like your father!"
15. My mother taught me about ENVY.
"There are millions of less fortunate children in this world who don't have wonderful parents like you do."
16. My mother taught me about ANTICIPATION.
"Just wait until we get home."
17. My mother taught me about RECEIVING.
"You are going to get it when you get home!"
18. My mother taught me MEDICAL SCIENCE.
"If you don't stop crossing your eyes, they are going to freeze that way."
19. My mother taught me ESP.
"Put your sweater on; don't you think I know when you’re cold?"
20. My mother taught me HUMOR.
"When that lawn mower cuts off your toes, don't come running to me."
21. My mother taught me HOW TO BECOME AN ADULT.
"If you don't eat your vegetables, you'll never grow up."
22. My mother taught me GENETICS.
"You're just like your father."
23. My mother taught me about my ROOTS.
"Shut that door behind you. Do you think you were born in a barn?"
24. My mother taught me WISDOM.
"When you get to be my age, you'll understand."
25. And my favorite: My mother taught me about JUSTICE.
"One day you'll have kids, and I hope they turn out just like you!"
Thursday, February 12, 2009
I think that today I lost an arm. Yep, I'm fairly sure that I cut my right arm off and gave it away.
Tonight was the first night in over three years that I have not worked the basketball game. It was actually the first athletic event that I haven't worked in a very long time. It was like cutting off my right arm.
The problem isn't my staff, they did a fantastic job. Or my apprentice who also did an outstanding job, and may be the reason we won both games. It wasn't even that I spent five hours of my life doing nothing...not homework or fun time or working, nothing.
The problem is that for so long I have defined myself by what I do. Over the past four years I have worked a total of four jobs on campus. I worked in the Library, in the Athletics office, as Game Management supervisor and for Conference Services. Junior year I worked all four at the same time. I am 'that redhead from athletics'. That's who I am. I am the one with keys or the one who can get you what you need or at least knows who to call to get you what you need. For so long I have been defined by what I do that I don't know who I am without that. And this year has been all about taking it away. I lost the library at the beginning of Fall semester because of scheduling conflicts. The athletics office was over at the end of last semester. I'm giving up Game Management as my apprentice steps in to take over, its happening right now. And at the end of the semester, April 25 (which is in 70 days and 11 hours) I will no longer work Conference Services.
Without all of that, who am I? What do I do? What do I think or feel or say or want? Where am I going and why am I going there? Who am I?
I don't really expect an answer. Because I'm sure that there isn't one, at least not a simple one. I just want to send this cosmic question out into the void. So goodnight dear void.
Tonight was the first night in over three years that I have not worked the basketball game. It was actually the first athletic event that I haven't worked in a very long time. It was like cutting off my right arm.
The problem isn't my staff, they did a fantastic job. Or my apprentice who also did an outstanding job, and may be the reason we won both games. It wasn't even that I spent five hours of my life doing nothing...not homework or fun time or working, nothing.
The problem is that for so long I have defined myself by what I do. Over the past four years I have worked a total of four jobs on campus. I worked in the Library, in the Athletics office, as Game Management supervisor and for Conference Services. Junior year I worked all four at the same time. I am 'that redhead from athletics'. That's who I am. I am the one with keys or the one who can get you what you need or at least knows who to call to get you what you need. For so long I have been defined by what I do that I don't know who I am without that. And this year has been all about taking it away. I lost the library at the beginning of Fall semester because of scheduling conflicts. The athletics office was over at the end of last semester. I'm giving up Game Management as my apprentice steps in to take over, its happening right now. And at the end of the semester, April 25 (which is in 70 days and 11 hours) I will no longer work Conference Services.
Without all of that, who am I? What do I do? What do I think or feel or say or want? Where am I going and why am I going there? Who am I?
I don't really expect an answer. Because I'm sure that there isn't one, at least not a simple one. I just want to send this cosmic question out into the void. So goodnight dear void.
Monday, January 19, 2009
WOW. It's been almost two months since I've posted anything. I know, shame shame on me. Life has been, as usual, a little crazy. Since my last posting I have finished my last Fall semester, been cramped in a car with crazy people for three days to surprise my sister, ushered in the New Year catering to 40 17-year-olds, and started my last semester ever. Kinda creepy huh?
I'm taking six mostly fantastic classes for my last semester. Most of them have something due every day we meet, which means that this coming week (a four day week mind you) I have 18 assignments due. This wonderful three day weekend has been mostly used for homework. It has been absolutely BEAUTIFUL here - the sun is shining, the sky is bright and clear, not a cloud in the sky. The wind only blows a little bit and its almost the perfect temperature outside. Absolutely lovely.
I don't really have anything of importance to say, I just wanted to get back into the habit of posting - we'll see how well that works!
Love to all - Skippy
I'm taking six mostly fantastic classes for my last semester. Most of them have something due every day we meet, which means that this coming week (a four day week mind you) I have 18 assignments due. This wonderful three day weekend has been mostly used for homework. It has been absolutely BEAUTIFUL here - the sun is shining, the sky is bright and clear, not a cloud in the sky. The wind only blows a little bit and its almost the perfect temperature outside. Absolutely lovely.
I don't really have anything of importance to say, I just wanted to get back into the habit of posting - we'll see how well that works!
Love to all - Skippy
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
.JPG)