Firm Foundation (Matthew 7:24ff)

So we were sitting on the Mount of Beatitudes today under a canopy up the hill from the church. Hutch spoke on the different ways that we as Christians react to culture. Then there was some scripture reading and some singing. The focus wasn't really on anything, just Matthew 5-7, the Sermon on the Mount. Fitting seeing as we were sitting on the site commemorating that event.
The thing that caught my attention was the story of the man who built his house on the rock. And the rain fell down and the floods came up and wind blew and beat against the house, and the house did not fall because it was founded on the rock. It took me to the last...three years of my family's life. The rain fell, and the floods came, and the wind blew and beat against us. Daddy got sick. Bills came due. We lost Daddy, then we lost the house. More bills. Every time we thought we'd get a period of calm, another storm would rage. I spent two full years just waiting for the fifth, then the sixth and the seventh shoes to fall. Something always happened.
I remember wondering if God enjoyed kicking us while we laid on the floor writhing in pain. I remember feeling guilty for even thinking that. And I remember being amazed that somehow we were still functioning and surviving, and knowing that the only way we were still functioning and surviving was God. Try juxtaposing that! God must be kicking us while we're down because this sucks, but He's the only reason we haven't kicked the bucket yet.
It hit me today why we didn't kick the bucket. Firm foundation. Even the days I thought about being kicked I also thought about the gajillion other things God had gotten us through. It never ceases to amaze me how something like a foundation plays out in life. Today we saw the synagogue at Capernaum. The one you normally see in pictures and postcards is a beautiful limestone building, well half a building anyway. But under the limestone is the foundation of black basalt that dates back to the first century. Foundations remain. Even when the building is gone, foundations remain.
The fact of the matter is that my family survived the lose of father, home, grandfather, various dramatic and traumatic events, financial drought and medical issues in the past three years because God had laid a firm foundation in us. And because of that foundation even on the days we couldn't praise Him in the storm that was raging all around us, we knew He was still there. It is amazing to look back and see the ways that that foundation came through in those days. I remember waking up some days so angry at God I didn't want to get out of bed, and without even knowing what was happening I was up and around and singing some old hymn I didn't even remember learning. I would suddenly realize that I was singing and stop, wondering when I learned the song and when I had started singing it. In those moments, all I had was my foundation. But in those moments all I needed was my foundation. Because of my foundation the rest of me was rained on and nearly drowned and blown hither and yon but did not fall, because I was...I am founded on my Rock, my Redeemer, my ever present Help in time of need, my Singer, my Song, my Lord.

Negev Trip May 25-28 2009

We just returned from our three day trip to the Negev. On Tuesday we saw the Elah Valley, this is the place where David fought Goliath. We then went up to Tel Azekah and talked through the whole battle. Quite amazing to sit there in the shade of a tree and see it happening in the valley below you.
After Azekah we went to Beth Guvrin to this amphitheater. Circular ruins with lots of rocks and ups and downs. Guess who climbed it first? ME! I was all over that thing! It was awesome!
We went through three sets of caves. The first was the tomb of some influential family with funny pictures on the wall and this ridiculous Greek script that I couldn’t read (arg). The second was called ‘The Musicians Cave’ (also a tomb) because there was a mural of a pair of musicians on the wall. Large, really creepy. The last set was called Bell Caves. BEAUTIFUL. Huge, almost bell shaped caves, ups and downs and little hidden nooks and crannies. WAY cool.
We stopped by Lachish (Sennacherib kicked the crap outta the city) and then went to Azhkelon. Look it up on a map and tell me what we did there! Nope, too long. We swam in the Mediterranean! I have never enjoyed ridiculously salty water so much in my life. And it was this perfect teal color. Amazing.
That night we spent at a hostel in Mizpah-Ramon.
Wednesday we started at Makhtesh Ramon. This huge hole in the ground that is not as deep as the Grand Canyon but crazy wide. It literally looks like this gigantic swimming pool with little hills inside. Amazingly beautiful and bright in the early morning sun.
Our next stop was Avedat, or Oboda. This was a Nabatean and then a Byzantine city with MORE fun ruins to climb all over! Only the signs said ‘climbing prohibited’, so I obeyed even though the boys didn’t. I only broke the rules to climb up behind the sign that said ‘climbing prohibited’, couldn’t resist.
The next thing we did might be my favorite yet (except St. Anne’s). We did a ‘wadi walk’ through the Nahal (Hebrew for wadi – a dry riverbed) Zin. I can’t give you elevation or length. But we walked mostly straight up for a hour or more. It was crazy cool amazing. But what made it amazing wasn’t the views, which were beautiful and breath taking, or the ibex which are cute, or being with my new friends which was fun. What made it amazing was the climb. Hard and fast, zigzagging up, up, up, HOT, TANGIBLE. I got to do this, I wasn’t just looking at it, I was doing it. That’s why things like St. Anne’s, the amphitheater and the Mediterranean, and Nahal Zin stick with me, I did it. Mizpah Ramon was sweet, but all I got to do was look at it. I climbed Nahal Zin. And I had a blast.
We also stopped at Beer Sheba (think Abraham etc) and Arad. This night we stayed at a hostel in Arad. Had a little trouble with people coming in late, but all in all a good stay.
Thursday
Our first (and longest) stop today was Masada. We were up there for two full hours. It was this largest Tel we’ve seen and the most impressive. We walked up the rampart the Romans had built to get in and end the siege and then walked through the western palace and what was believed to be the temple room before seeing the triclinium turned synagogue. Then we climbed down to the third tier of the three tiered northern palace, great lookout spot. We climbed back up and walked through a roman bath.
Our next stop was the Dead (Salt Sea). We parked and changed and went down to the water. As soon as you go ‘under’ water the water just takes you and floats you. Jocelyn – I floated!!! Like normal people float I floated!!! All I needed was water that has a ridiculous percentage of minerals and salt in it!!! After lunch we went to Engedi, which is a wadi system that leads back to these prime hidden waterfalls into little pools that we swam in – fresh water. We splashed around a little bit and then walked up to the source and then back down.
Qumran came next, and we made it in with half an hour before closing time. We saw caves one and four from afar (you can’t actually go into them) and got some really sweet pictures.

Random Israel Stuff

·When the War of Israeli Independence ended in late 1948, they true the truce line with a green crayon.
·The Hill of Evil council north of Jerusalem is where the UN currently has its buildings.
·They think they’ve found a tower build by Nehemiah to a retaining wall built by David.
·Hezekiah’s Tunnel gets zigzaggy in the middle because its when the two sides were trying to find each other.
·No one knows why Hezekiah didn’t build the tunnel in a straight line, they had the technology a year earlier.
·Finding the Qumran scrolls brought the oldest original scroll of scripture to 150BC.
·There are 49 cisterns and 43 passages underground on the area called Harem esh Sharif, the Temple Mount.
·The Temple Mount has layers of history: the binding of Isaac, David bought the threshing floor from a Jebusite, Solomon built the temple, the Assyrians destroyed it, they rebuilt the temple and then it was destroyed again by the Romans. The Byzantine Christians left it in ruins and the Moslems built the Dome of the Rock in 691. Since then it has been under Moslem control and the Jews have only had real access to the Western Wall.
·Jerusalem is 2500’ feet above sea level and gets and average of 25” of rain a year.
·There is a park in Israel commemorating the bicentennial of the US and a memorial to the Challenger incident. They also have a park called Canada park.
·The route Samson took from home to Timnah now has a high speed train following it, that train is now known as the Samson Express by 45 JUCers including myself.
·The tribe of Dan was originally given the coastal lands of the Mediterranean. Most of them chose instead to move northeast to above the Sea of Galilee. What would have happened if Dan had stayed?
·Solomon must have controlled Joppa and Gezer to get cedars from Lebanon to build his house and the temple. He married the Pharaoh’s (who had control of Gezer) daughter and Pharaoh gave him the city as a wedding present.
·Jericho is one of only three cities mentioned in the conquest as having been completely destroyed.
·In the day of our Lord, they would bury people in niches and seal it with rocks, wait about a year, remove the bones from the niche and put them in ossuaries to reuse the niche. Gives a new meaning to ‘let the dead bury their dead’ – doesn’t it?
·During the Passover Feast the population of Jerusalem swells, they may have been people camping out on the Mount of Olives. Maybe the Mount wasn’t as empty as we always portray it.
·Herod the Great was a ridiculously rich, psycho, mean man. He built fortresses everywhere and killed lots of people.

Randomness out of my travel journal

Notes about long flights:

Windows are great, except when you have to pee. Sacrifice the ten minute view for 10 hours of free peeing.

Drink of lots of water. Dehydration is too easy and it sucks.

Taking the contacts out was a great idea.

By the end of my first set of travel I will had navigated through three airports, four terminals, two airlines, two planes, two bus stations, two stations and three countries on two continents. Not bad for a days work.

Flying above moving clouds is a trip – flying about stationary clouds is WAY cooler.

In Scotland, roundabouts go left.

In Scotland, across the street from the airport is the perfect picturesque Scottish farmhouse.

In Scotland they have fantastic public transportation with double-decker buses and great drivers.

In Scotland its all green, earthy, beautiful, breath taking.

There is a prayer chapel in the Edinburgh Airport, complete with prayer rugs, books of Mormon, crucifixes and stained glass.

RBS – Make it happen. Hell yes.

Beginning of catch-up...

Sorry, I was gonna post more, but internet cost a pound for 15 minutes at the hostel, and that just gets ridiculous. So, I'm going to start where I am now an work backwards and forwards at the same time!!
I got to the airport last night and caught up on facebook and email and then went and joined the group from Simpson. We boarded and took off at landed in Tel Aviv this morning at 5:30am, got our luggage and traveled into Jerusalem via van. We got here and I unpacked (novel concept, COMPLETELY difficult living out of a backpack, not the living out of something concept, the hiker's backpack part) and took a shower and SLEPT. For longer than I meant to, but whatever. Ate lunch, and now I'm trying to catch up!!!
I had a somewhat profound thought this morning. The sun was just rising as we landed and left the airport. As it got above the horizon I thought to myself, "wow, this is the sun Jesus saw ever morning, especially those mornings He went out early to pray." This of course brought to mind movie lines (because what in my world doesn't?) from Newsies: "You know, you should see Santa Fe, everything’s different there. It’s all bigger. The desert, the sky, the sun..." She replies, "It’s the same sun as here." And he answers, "Yeah, it just looks different." And he's right - it does:it's bigger and closer and somewhat clouded but more radiant. But the point is that whether the sun looks different or not, the sun I saw come up this morning is the same sun Jocelyn will see when she drives to Orland to work this morning and it is the same sun Doug saw in Thailand when he got up at the ridiculously early hours he does. And rather than that commonality belittling it, this magnifies it all the more for me. Not only is the sun the same here, it will be the same sun when I get back to the states. And that will be the real test, can I live for the Son under the same sun He saw when I'm not where He walked?

Chocolate...

For the past seven years of my life that has been a word I hated. When I could eat it chocolate was the greatest thing on the planet - especially when combined with peanut butter. And then I couldn't eat it anymore...and it became worse than a swear word or lemon juice in a paper cut. When we discovered I was allergy to sugar and I was told to cut it out, I did it. No more chocolate, or cookies or cake or soda or fruit juice or fruit or spaghetti sauce a zillion other things, including splenda. Most days when I see 'sugar free' chocolate it just has splenda in it. This chocolate doesn't.
I was just about to start a big blab about how this chocolate that doesn't have sugar in it and that I can finally eat and won't kill me. Then I looked up the first ingredient - maltitol. A sugar alcohol. According to Wikipedia maltitol has 90% of the sweetness of sugar and all the same properties. What was I thinking?
It was SO good! I saw it and left it, and then we came back and I got it. And then we walked some more and then when we were waiting for the bus I ate some - and didn't die, didn't even get a headache. And then when we got back to the house I ate some more - and I'm still not dead. I'm probably two and a half inches into probably a nine inch bar. I'm not dead yet, I can't even really feel it. I'm just tired. Jesse pointed out that all the walking today (all over three coastal cities) probably helped work it through my system. It melted in my mouth. I could feel it melt and then spread all over my tongue. It was glorious. And now its gone. Only I still have six inches of chocolate sitting in front of me.
Sometimes, its better never to try something than to try it and like it and lose it. Whoever said 'it is better to have loved and lost than to have never loved at' probably never loved anyone. And probably was never told she couldn't eat chocolate ever again.

Music Is Essential

Welcome address to freshman class at Boston Conservatory given by Karl Paulnack, pianist and director of music division at Boston Conservatory [September 2008]

"One of my parents' deepest fears, I suspect, is that society would not properly value me as a musician, that I wouldn't be appreciated. I had very good grades in high school, I was good in science and math, and they imagined that as a doctor or a research chemist or an engineer, I might be more appreciated than I would be as a musician. I still remember my mother's remark when I announced my decision to apply to music school-she said, "You're WASTING your SAT scores." On some level, I think, my parents were not sure themselves what the value of music was, what its purpose was. And they LOVED music, they listened to classical music all the time. They just weren't really clear about its function. So let me talk about that a little bit, because we live in a society that puts music in the "arts and entertainment" section of the newspaper, and serious music, the kind your kids are about to engage in, has absolutely nothing whatsoever to do with entertainment, in fact it's the opposite of entertainment. Let me talk a little bit about music, and how it works.

The first people to understand how music really works were the ancient Greeks. And this is going to fascinate you; the Greeks said that music and astronomy were two sides of the same coin. Astronomy was seen as the study of relationships between observable, permanent, external objects, and music was seen as the study of relationships between invisible, internal, hidden objects. Music has a way of finding the big, invisible moving pieces inside our hearts and souls and helping us figure out the position of things inside us. Let me give you some examples of how this works.
One of the most profound musical compositions of all time is the Quartet for the End of Time written by French composer Olivier Messiaen in 1940. Messiaen was 31 years old when France entered the war against Nazi Germany. He was captured by the Germans in June of 1940, sent across Germany in a cattle car and imprisoned in a concentration camp. He was fortunate to find a sympathetic prison guard who gave him paper and a place to compose. There were three other musicians in the camp, a cellist, a violinist, and a clarinetist, and Messiaen wrote his quartet with these specific players in mind. It was performed in January 1941 for four
thousand prisoners and guards in the prison camp. Today it is one of the most famous masterworks in the repertoire. Given what we have since learned about life in the concentration camps, why would anyone in his right mind waste time and energy writing or playing music? There was barely enough energy on a good day to find food and water, to avoid a beating, to stay warm, to escape torture-why would anyone bother with music? And yet-from the camps, we have poetry, we have music, we have visual art; it wasn't just this one fanatic Messiaen; many, many people created art. Why? Well, in a place where people are only focused on survival, on the bare necessities, the obvious conclusion is that art must be, somehow, essential for life. The camps were without money, without hope, without commerce, without recreation, without basic respect, but they were not without art. Art is part of survival; art is part of the human spirit, an unquenchable expression of who we are. Art is one of the ways in which we say, "I am alive, and my life has meaning."

On September 12, 2001 I was a resident of Manhattan. That morning I reached a new understanding of my art and its relationship to the world. I sat down at the piano that morning at 10 AM to practice as was my daily routine; I did it by force of habit, without thinking about it. I lifted the cover on the keyboard, and opened my music, and put my hands on the keys and took my hands off the keys. And I sat there and thought, does this even matter? Isn't this completely irrelevant? Playing the piano right now, given what happened in this city yesterday, seems silly, absurd, irreverent, pointless. Why am I here? What place has a musician in this moment in time? Who needs a piano player right now? I was completely lost. And then I, along with the rest of New York, went through the journey of getting through that week. I did not play the piano that day, and in fact I contemplated briefly whether I would ever want to play the piano again. And then I observed how we got through the day. At least in my neighborhood, we didn't shoot hoops or play Scrabble. We didn't play cards to pass the time, we didn't watch TV, we didn't shop, we most certainly did not go to the mall. The first organized activity that I saw in New York, that same day, was singing. People sang. People sang around firehouses, people sang "We Shall Overcome". Lots of people sang America the Beautiful. The first organized public event that I remember was the Brahms Requiem, later that week, at Lincoln Center, with the New York Philharmonic. The first organized public expression of grief, our first communal response to that historic event, was a concert. That was the beginning of a sense that life might go on. The US Military secured the airspace, but recovery was led by the arts, and by music in particular, that very night.

From these two experiences, I have come to understand that music is not part of "arts and entertainment" as the newspaper section would have us believe. It's not a luxury, a lavish thing that we fund from leftovers of our budgets, not a plaything or an amusement or a pass time. Music is a basic need of human survival. Music is one of the ways we make sense of our lives, one of the ways in which we express feelings when we have no words, a way for us to understand things with our hearts when we can't with our minds.

Some of you may know Samuel Barber's heartwrenchingly beautiful piece Adagio for Strings. If you don't know it by that name, then some of you may know it as the background music which accompanied the Oliver Stone movie Platoon, a film about the Vietnam War. If you know that piece of music either way, you know it has the ability to crack your heart open like a walnut; it can make you cry over sadness you didn't know you had. Music can slip beneath our conscious reality to get at what's really going on inside us the way a good therapist does. I bet that you have never been to a wedding where there was absolutely no music. There might have been only a little music, there might have been some really bad music, but I bet you there was some music. And something very predictable happens at weddings-people get all pent up with all kinds of emotions, and then there's some musical moment where the action of the wedding stops and someone sings or plays the flute or something. And even if the music is lame, even if the quality isn't good, predictably 30 or 40 percent of the people who are going to cry at a wedding cry a couple of moments after the music starts. Why? The Greeks. Music allows us to move around those big invisible pieces of ourselves and rearrange our insides so that we can express what we feel even when we can't talk about it. Can you imagine watching Indiana Jones or Superman or Star Wars with the dialogue but no music? What is it about the music swelling up at just the right moment in ET so that all the softies in the audience start crying at exactly the same moment? I guarantee you if you showed the movie with the music stripped out, it wouldn't happen that way. The Greeks: Music is the understanding of the relationship between invisible internal objects.

I'll give you one more example, the story of the most important concert of my life. I must tell you I have played a little less than a thousand concerts in my life so far. I have played in places that I thought were important. I like playing in Carnegie Hall; I enjoyed playing in Paris; it made me very happy to please the critics in St. Petersburg. I have played for people I thought were important; music critics of major newspapers, foreign heads of state. The most important concert of my entire life took place in a nursing home in Fargo, ND, about 4 years ago. I was playing with a very dear friend of mine who is a violinist. We began, as we often do, with Aaron Copland's Sonata, which was written during World War II and dedicated to a young friend of Copland's, a young pilot who was shot down during the war. Now we often talk to our audiences about the pieces we are going to play rather than providing them with written program notes. But in this case, because we began the concert with this piece, we decided to talk about the piece later in the program and to just come out and play the music without explanation. Midway through the piece, an elderly man seated in a wheelchair near the front of the concert hall began to weep. This man, whom I later met, was clearly a soldier-even in his 70's, it was clear from his buzz-cut hair, square jaw and general demeanor that he had spent a good deal of his life in the military. I thought it a little bit odd that someone would be moved to tears by that particular movement of that particular piece, but it wasn't the first time I've heard crying in a concert and we went on with the concert and finished the piece. When we came out to play the next piece on the program, we decided to talk about both the first and second pieces, and we described the circumstances in which the Copland was written and mentioned its dedication to a downed pilot. The man in the front of the audience became so disturbed that he had to leave the auditorium. I honestly figured that we would not see him again, but he did come backstage afterwards, tears and all, to explain himself. What he told us was this: "During World War II, I was a pilot, and I was in an aerial combat situation where one of my team's planes was hit. I watched my friend bail out, and watched his parachute open, but the Japanese planes which had engaged us returned and machine gunned across the parachute chords so as to separate the parachute from the pilot, and I watched my friend drop away into the ocean, realizing that he was lost. I have not thought about this for many years, but during that first piece of music you played, this memory returned to me so vividly that it was as though I was reliving it. I didn't understand why this was happening, why now, but then when you came out to explain that this piece of music was written to commemorate a lost pilot, it was a little more than I could handle. How does the music do that? How did it find those feelings and those memories in me?

Remember the Greeks: music is the study of invisible relationships between internal objects. This concert in Fargo was the most important work I have ever done. For me to play for this old soldier and help him connect, somehow, with Aaron Copland, and to connect their memories of their lost friends, to help him remember and mourn his friend, this is my work. This is why music matters.

What follows is part of the talk I will give to this year's freshman class when I welcome them a few days from now. The responsibility I will charge your sons and daughters with is this:

"If we were a medical school, and you were here as a med student practicing appendectomies, you'd take your work very seriously because you would imagine that some night at two AM someone is going to waltz into your emergency room and you're going to have to save their life. Well, my friends, someday at 8 PM someone is going to walk into your concert hall and bring you a mind that is confused, a heart that is overwhelmed, a soul that is weary. Whether they go out whole again will depend partly on how well you do your craft. You're not here to become an entertainer, and you don't have to sell yourself. The truth is you don't have anything to sell; being a musician isn't about dispensing a product, like selling used Chevys. I'm not an entertainer; I'm a lot closer to a paramedic, a firefighter, a rescue worker. You're here to become a sort of therapist for the human soul, a spiritual version of a chiropractor, physical therapist, someone who works with our insides to see if they get things to line up, to see if we can come into harmony with ourselves and be healthy and happy and well.

Frankly, ladies and gentlemen, I expect you not only to master music; I expect you to save the planet. If there is a future wave of wellness on this planet, of harmony, of peace, of an end to war, of mutual understanding, of equality, of fairness, I don't expect it will come from a government, a military force or a corporation. I no longer even expect it to come from the religions of the world, which together seem to have brought us as much war as they have peace. If there is a future of peace for humankind, if there is to be an understanding of how these invisible, internal things should fit together, I expect it will come from the artists, because that's what we do. As in the concentration camp and the evening of 9/11, the artists are the ones who might be able to help us with our internal, invisible lives."

I can only add one thing to this: God gave music.

I Owe It All to My Mother

1. My mother taught me TO APPRECIATE A JOB WELL DONE.
"If you're going to kill each other, do it outside. I just finished cleaning."

2. My mother taught me RELIGION.
"You better pray that will come out of the carpet."

3. My mother taught me about TIME TRAVEL.
"If you don't straighten up, I'm going to knock you into the middle of next week!"

4. My mother taught me LOGIC.
"Because I said so! That's why."

5. My mother taught me MORE LOGIC
"If you fall out of that swing and break your neck, you're not going to the store with me."

6. My mother taught me FORESIGHT.
"Make sure you wear clean underwear, in case you're in an accident."

7. My mother taught me IRONY
"Keep crying, and I'll give you something to cry about."

8. My mother taught me about the science of OSMOSIS.
"Shut your mouth and eat your supper."

9. My mother taught me about CONTORTIONISM.
"Will you look at that dirt on the back of your neck!"

10. My mother taught me about STAMINA.
"You'll sit there until all that spinach is gone."

11. My mother taught me about WEATHER.
"This room of yours looks as if a tornado went through it."

12. My mother taught me about HYPOCRISY.
"If I told you once, I've told you a million times. Don't exaggerate!"

13. My mother taught me the CIRCLE OF LIFE.
"I brought you into this world, and I can take you out of it."

14. My mother taught me about BEHAVIOR MODIFICATION.
"Stop acting like your father!"

15. My mother taught me about ENVY.
"There are millions of less fortunate children in this world who don't have wonderful parents like you do."

16. My mother taught me about ANTICIPATION.
"Just wait until we get home."

17. My mother taught me about RECEIVING.
"You are going to get it when you get home!"

18. My mother taught me MEDICAL SCIENCE.
"If you don't stop crossing your eyes, they are going to freeze that way."

19. My mother taught me ESP.
"Put your sweater on; don't you think I know when you’re cold?"

20. My mother taught me HUMOR.
"When that lawn mower cuts off your toes, don't come running to me."

21. My mother taught me HOW TO BECOME AN ADULT.
"If you don't eat your vegetables, you'll never grow up."

22. My mother taught me GENETICS.
"You're just like your father."

23. My mother taught me about my ROOTS.
"Shut that door behind you. Do you think you were born in a barn?"

24. My mother taught me WISDOM.
"When you get to be my age, you'll understand."

25. And my favorite: My mother taught me about JUSTICE.
"One day you'll have kids, and I hope they turn out just like you!"

I think that today I lost an arm. Yep, I'm fairly sure that I cut my right arm off and gave it away.
Tonight was the first night in over three years that I have not worked the basketball game. It was actually the first athletic event that I haven't worked in a very long time. It was like cutting off my right arm.

The problem isn't my staff, they did a fantastic job. Or my apprentice who also did an outstanding job, and may be the reason we won both games. It wasn't even that I spent five hours of my life doing nothing...not homework or fun time or working, nothing.
The problem is that for so long I have defined myself by what I do. Over the past four years I have worked a total of four jobs on campus. I worked in the Library, in the Athletics office, as Game Management supervisor and for Conference Services. Junior year I worked all four at the same time. I am 'that redhead from athletics'. That's who I am. I am the one with keys or the one who can get you what you need or at least knows who to call to get you what you need. For so long I have been defined by what I do that I don't know who I am without that. And this year has been all about taking it away. I lost the library at the beginning of Fall semester because of scheduling conflicts. The athletics office was over at the end of last semester. I'm giving up Game Management as my apprentice steps in to take over, its happening right now. And at the end of the semester, April 25 (which is in 70 days and 11 hours) I will no longer work Conference Services.
Without all of that, who am I? What do I do? What do I think or feel or say or want? Where am I going and why am I going there? Who am I?

I don't really expect an answer. Because I'm sure that there isn't one, at least not a simple one. I just want to send this cosmic question out into the void. So goodnight dear void.

WOW. It's been almost two months since I've posted anything. I know, shame shame on me. Life has been, as usual, a little crazy. Since my last posting I have finished my last Fall semester, been cramped in a car with crazy people for three days to surprise my sister, ushered in the New Year catering to 40 17-year-olds, and started my last semester ever. Kinda creepy huh?
I'm taking six mostly fantastic classes for my last semester. Most of them have something due every day we meet, which means that this coming week (a four day week mind you) I have 18 assignments due. This wonderful three day weekend has been mostly used for homework. It has been absolutely BEAUTIFUL here - the sun is shining, the sky is bright and clear, not a cloud in the sky. The wind only blows a little bit and its almost the perfect temperature outside. Absolutely lovely.
I don't really have anything of importance to say, I just wanted to get back into the habit of posting - we'll see how well that works!
Love to all - Skippy

Updates...

So!!! I know its been a while since ya'll have heard from me but I wanted to let you know whats going on in my life, and what my plans for the summer are!!
Classes are going pretty well, there are only two, well three, okay four that I don't like so much. Out of six. No really, only one that I feel is a waste of time, the rest are just difficult to sit through. The last two are great!!! Greek is my FAVORITE class by far and I'm learning so much in it I LOVE IT!!!
Work has been pretty crazy lately. Two weeks ago we had 8 games in 5 days. I was in the gym more than I was in class. This past week has been pretty low key, just gearing up for the weekend. Last night was our Exposure Film Festival. Simpson students write, direct and produce films and then we roll out the red carpet (literally), get celebrity look alikes from the student body, everyone gets dressed up and we have our own little premier. Today was our Craft and FairTrade Bizarre: this is a chance for local artisans from the area to sell their goods as well as a big FairTrade opportunity. FairTrade is the overarching name of organizations that work to help raise self-sufficiency among people in third world countries. They go in and teach people a marketable trade and then sell those products in the US for what theyre worth and all of the money goes back to the person making it. FairTrade helps free women prostitution and helps put food on the tables of countless families.
Next week we only have classes Monday and Tuesday because of Thanksgiving YAY for a break!!!! Then we come back for a week and then its finals. On December 11th I will officially be done with my second to last semester of college!!!!
FLASH AHEAD: GRADUATION is April 25th at 10am on my Simpson University campus. YAY!!!!!
Which brings me to my plans for the summer. I have been given a fantastic opportunity to do some major traveling this summer. I need a few last credits to graduate with my minor, and so I will be taking the Israel Study Tour with Simpson in May and early June. You heard right ISRAEL . Ill be gone for three weeks studying the area where the patriarchs lived, where David fought Goliath and where Jesus walked. Well stay at Jerusalem University College for the majority of the tour and walk around Jerusalem as well as visiting archeological sites and eating a real Sabbath meal. A great friend has traveled and stayed in this area extensively, and Im looking forward to seeing the sites she mentions so frequently. After Israel , I will be traveling to France for two weeks to join a dear friend. The first week will be spent in the Taize Community (http://www.taize.fr/en). This community is an international and ecumenical community that focuses on worship through chant, repetition, silence and song. The last week or so in France we will spend touring the area ( Eiffel Tower here I come!!) Then off to England and Scotland for more visiting and touring. After all of these thrilling adventures, I'll be back on American soil and soon back to gorgeous California !!!
So here's what it looks like:
Israel Study Tour May 16th June 7th
France (two weeks)
Scotland and England
Home.
As I have worked through this process God has opened every door and in some cases has practically shoved me through. I'm so tremendously excited I can't really describe it!!!! There are many things that I will miss being gone this long (roughly seven weeks) but I know that there will never be another time in my life for an opportunity like this. This is mostly just for informational purposes, but I will also ask you to pray that things continue to go smoothly and that the funds come in. I have some educational loans left and will do some fundraisers. But I also have responsibilities here that must be paid while I am gone and overseas travel is not cheap.
Mostly I ask you to pray that the trip is as educational as I'm hoping it will be, that we are safe there and back, and that God is glorified through this experience.
Thanks for listening to (reading) my babbling!
Love you all!!!
Natasha

So I realize that its been a while since I posted. But just check out what the future holds for me:
My Cultural Identity Paper for Cindy Strong is due tomorrow.
I have a sermon evaluation due on Tuesday and also our first basketball game. Wednesday brings a test on a book that I hate and didn't read all the way and our last soccer game and possibly a make up volleyball game.
I have to preach in class on Thursday and just thinking about it makes me want to puke. On Friday we have another basketball game and a 'movie night' in the dorm which for some reason I’m setting up for.
Next week, I have pretty meaningless homework til Thursday where I have a group presentation due.
Friday where I have a communicating cross culturally midterm (the last one which I didn't do so good on).
What makes this week interesting is that I have a game on Tuesday, Wednesday, and Thursday. I also have two games on Friday and three games on Saturday. And Friday and Saturday I’m Dan-less – Dan is my announcer, he pretty much makes basketball games what they are for the crowd.
I get Sunday ‘off’ but its back to school on Monday.
Another sermon evaluation is due on Tuesday and my third sermon manuscript is due on Thursday.
I have a test the following Monday and a huge application paper due on Tuesday, then thanksgiving ‘break’.
We come back from thanksgiving break and I have a Proficiency paper due, another sermon eval due on Tuesday, a home basketball game on Wednesday along with my lead project due and my second semester evaluation with Phil due Thursday.
The next week is finals – three on Wednesday and one on Thursday.
Its gonna be a fun rest of the semester don’t ya think?
Yes, I am to be pitied. But don't let me catch you doing it, I hate pity.

Church Signs and Sermon Titles

Church Signs
The Best Vitamin for a Christian is B1.
It wasn’t raining when Noah built the ark.
Try our Sundays, they are better than Baskin-Robbins.
Come in and have your faith lifted.
This is a ch__ch. What’s missing?
You are not too bad to come in. You are not too good to stay out.
Can’t sleep? Try counting your blessings.
Try Jesus. If you don’t like him, the devil will always take you back.
Life is hard. Afterlife is harder!
Aspire to inspire before you expire.
Where will you be sitting in eternity? Smoking or non-smoking?
Under same management for over 2,000 years.

Sermon Titles
A Fat Servant is Better than a Skinny Corpse (Luke 15:17)
A Few Good Men: Gideon's Army (J.F. Higgins)
A Major Message From A Minor Prophet (Zephaniah 3:14-20)
A Nude Dude in a Rude Mood: A sermon on the Gadarene Demoniac
All stressed up and nowhere to go
American Culture-Polytheisism at its Best (A.S.)
An address to Submarine Christians--those who surface Christmas and Easter!
An Attitude of Gratitude (Luke 17:11-19) (J. Bryant)
Are you in the Way, or are you in the way? (John 14:6) (JLN)
Born to RAZE Hell. (raze-destroy,break down, demolish) (Tom Foster)
But GOD Romans 5-8
Don't Panic It's Just A Test
Driven to Distraction (Luke 10:38-42, Martha distracted by many things)
Get Off Your Donkey - Parable of Good Samaritan. (W. Vendt)
Gone With The Wind: (house on a rock) (RWJ)
How Are You Going To Get Along In Heaven With People You Can't Get Along With Here?
How Big is Your Barn? (storing up treasures on earth)
If You Can't Keep Up, Keep Going
I'm gonna be in heaven with him?
Is God your steering wheel or your spare tire.
Lost in His Own Back Yard (the older Brother)
Love 'Em All, and Let God Sort 'Em Out (loving your enemies)
More Zip for the Trip - Elijah out running the chariots
Not Your Typical Baptist (Luke 3:1-6)
Shared Any Good 'Yokes' Lately? (message on servanthood) (David A. Hall)
Standing On The Promises or Sitting On The Premises (sermon on service) (David A. Hall)
Table Manners (On Communion)
The Buts of the Believer (II Corinthians 4:7-9) (JLN)
The Church - Some assembly required (Mike Petzer)
The company you keep! (I Samuel 10:5-11) (Eld. Harvin)
The Great Ommission
The Man in the Middle
The Mighty Mite-The Widow's Mite
The rude, crude, dude in the nude (Luke 8:26)
The Saline Solution (Salt of the earth)
Three (Wise) Men and a Baby Christmas Sermon (Pastor Manuel Cruz Jr.)
Turn or Burn! (Revelation 20:15)
Unthawing the Frozen Chosen
WANTED: SAINTS - DEAD OR ALIVE! (John 11:32-44 -- M. Stone)
What on earth are you doing for Heavens’ sake?
What To Do When You Don't Know What To Do (Rev. Larry Moore)

Oh college...

20 Things Admissions Never Told You About College
1. Quarters are gold
2. Two meals per day is the standard
3. You will begin to nap again
4. College students throw paper airplanes too
5. You never realized that so many people were smarter than you
6. Western Europe could be wiped out by a horrible plague and you wouldn’t know it.
7. Cartoons are for all ages
8. Disney movies are more than just classics
9. It never hurt so much to get sick
10. The health service nurses are there because they couldn’t make it at a real hospital. Never, ever forget that.
11. Care packages are right up there with birthdays
12. Jeans may be worn as many times as the wearer desires
13. The only time to dress up is when your jeans are dirty
14. Creativity in the dining hall is KEY
15. The FRESHMEN 15 is NOT a myth
16. Cereal makes a meal any time of day
17. You will eat anywhere that is a buffet
18. You will eat anything that is free
19. ATM’s are the devil’s advocate. ATM = Another Twenty Missing
20. You are never alone!


Top 10 Reasons That College Is Like Preschool
10. You cry for your mother
9. You cross the street without looking for cars
8. Snack time is necessity
7. You bundle up for the outdoors without caring what you look like because everyone else looks as stupid as you do.
6. You stay at home and play games with your friends
5. You wear your backpack on both shoulders
4. You wear big mittens
3. Playing in the snow is a legitimate activity
2. You take naps
1. You look forward to grilled cheese sandwiches

You Know You’ve Been In College Too Long When…
• You actually like doing laundry at home
• You’d rather clean than study
• Mom’s meatloaf and potatoes become something you desire, not avoid
• You live for getting mail
• Looking out the window is a form of entertainment
• You start thinking and sounding like your roommate
• Highlighters become the coolest thing on earth


Before I Came To College I Wish I Had Known That…
• I could change so much and barely realize it
• You can love a lot of people in a lot of different ways
• No matter how ‘cool’ you were in High School, no one here cares
• Every clock on campus shows a different time
• Even if you were smart in High School, you’re NOT here
• You can know everything and fail a test
• You can know nothing and ace a test
• Most of my education would be obtained outside of class
• Friendship requires more than you think
• Psychology is really Biology. Biology is really Chemistry, Chemistry is really Physics. And Physics is really Math.
• It’s possible to be alone even when people surround you
• Friends are what make this place worthwhile!

Share with your friends, because without friends, college is prison.

Culture's Core

I recall now, so very clearly
as evening clings like tapestry,
a distant time when i was small
and loved to creep along the wall
toward the circle cast by light
where elders talked, among themselves, into the night.

They filled the room with stirring tales, as I--
in my pajamas with the little feet--would lie
behind the outsized chair, hair pressed to rung,
listening invisibly, 'til wakened by the hug
of arms that cradled me 'round knee and head
and placed me back in sagging bed.

They told their stories,
one by one, of hardships suffered, and of glories--
times endured, evils feared,
stunning triumphs engineered
by luck, effort, patience, cunning,
and those who saved themselves by running.

I remember, too, the sagas told
about the turning points in growing old
amidst the tempests once withstood,
and tender details of first kisses, which were good
for waves of jokes and laughter
that I scarcely understood 'til after
i had aged, and learned of love affairs,
and private things that people do in pairs.

So now, like sages who have been and done,
who've told their tales of favors lost and won,
I primp my heirs with stories from my youth
of the vainglorious pursuits of truth,
justice, and the 'Merican way,
'til a still small voice can guide, I pray,
the journey forth where only they may go,
toward a promised land, which I will never know.

Thus repeats the simple lore
of passion, pleasure, pain and pride
that marks us all, deep down inside,
as humans with a common core.

--Myron W. Lustig

This week...

WOW. Since my last posting I have missed two birthdays, one trophy, a bad loss and the start of classes.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY JULIE AND MADDIE!!!!!!!!
Way to go Men's Soccer!!!! Beat Oregon Institute of Technology 5-0 to win the OIT Tournament!!! One of the guys who works for me and used to play goalie scored two goals at striker - talk about position change!
Our Women's Volleyball team lost to Chico State...wasn't a huge surprise.
Classes started on Tuesday. I started my week with Preaching I. I wasn't too stoked about this class to start with, but I don't have to preach in front of a whole church so I'm really stoked about that!!! Then I had Peoples of the World which is focused on China this year because our Overseas Worker in Residence is working in China. Except right now, when she's here, teaching us. AND, her name is Jolene!!!! How cool is that?
Wednesday I started with Communicating Cross Culturally where my phone went off in class. That was embarrassing. That looks to be a really REALLY great class; its taught by one of Nicole's favorite profs. Then chapel (Academic Convocation, Senior Class Picture etc) and lunch.
Next was what I think will be the highlight of my semester: Greek. I am seriously SO stoked and excited and terrified of and SOOOOOO looking forward to this class - I just can't tell you. And, tonight, I learned the Greek alphabet. So there.
My last class on Wednesday was Leadership in Ministry. Doesn't look to be a phenomenal class, and it did require five books (ARG) but I'll get through it.
Today I had Preaching and Peoples, and usually I have my Internship Class...only today I TOTALLY blanked it. Completely forgot that I had a class. My prof called me after they were done and even then my phone didn't ring at the call, it only rang through the message he left. Where he told me that he figured I had just forgotten and therefore wasn't dropping me from the course and that hopefully I had a horrified look on my face and would be scurrying over to his office to apologize in person etc etc. (He's really a great prof, and he's my adviser.) And I did exactly that. Practically ran across campus to Labum to catch him before he left, which I did. Apologized profusely, got my syllabus and signed up for my presentation date. That presentation is worth 65% of my grade in that class, how's that for daunting? Besides that presentation the only thing I get graded on are 10 one page responses to a book we read last semester, Blue Like Jazz. This class will be a breeze, if I can just manage to show up...
Crazy plans for the weekend, lots of homework; a service project followed by swim and BBQ. Church on Sunday followed by more homework I'm sure. Back to classes on Monday. Hopefully I'll make it through the week without my phone going off in class or forgetting to go to class.
I'm off now, study break has lasted long enough. I owe my Greek professor another hour at least on the Greek alphabet before our quiz tomorrow and then there's Monday's homework to start on.
LOVE TO ALL!!!
Skip

The coming of students.

Well. It has begun. The coming of students. It happens every fall. Every fall we have the influx of freshmen, and with freshmen come parents and siblings and stuff beyond all power to comprehend. With freshmen comes more cars than our poor little parking lot can handle and the inability to drive in our only somewhat convoluted parking lot.
Before the freshmen even get here the craziness starts with insane set ups by the most fantastic greatest Conference Services crew (my second, third or fourth job, depending on how you count). This year it was a skeleton crew as we had two off playing soccer, three FYE leaders, an ASBSU rep, one off to the mail-room and a vacationer. That means that we set the gym the first couple of times last week with five people. We did a set up that included matting the entire gym floor, setting up the stage, four recs (rectangular tables), 11 pieces of lattice and cramming 56 round tables with eight rather large chapel chairs around each table with five crew members. It was a feat of genius. ANYWAY. The set ups and tear downs and moves have been RIDICULOUS this weekend. I've worked eight hours every day for the past week. It makes for a wonderful paycheck, but I'm so bruised I look like a dalmatian.
The parents of all the freshmen are the worst on campus when it comes to driving, they don't follow the speed limit (there's something wrong when the campus safety officer is begging you to go faster) choosing to go five mph instead of the 15 mph we're allowed as they gape at the people working or the buildings or whatever it is that they're looking at. AND, they drive the wrong way in my parking lot. The sign says 'Right Turn Only'. Not, "please, go straight here so that you're headed the WRONG way along the dorm parking lot while you don't look where you're going because you're trying to get to the dorm so you're craning your neck to see the name and then WHOOPS!!! Almost ran over the CS crew on the Juice who have already been working for five hours in this triple digit weather!!!" Yes, it annoys me.
By now the parents have left (or were supposed to have left). And today is the day that the rest of the students come back. For some of them I'm really excited. For most of them I just wish they'd go away so I can park somewhere remotely close to my dorm. Sometimes I think it would be worth it to be an RA just to have my own parking spot.
Tomorrow the freshmen have all this stuff they have to do, and those students who didn't arrive yesterday will get here to find the parking lot so full they can't back up to unload their stuff, their roommate here and only a third instead of half of their room to shove all their stuff into. I also have to work tomorrow morning all by myself again. It shouldn't be too big a deal, it just means that I have to be everywhere at once which is never fun.
Classes start on Tuesday. SUPER excited!!!! REALLY nervous - this is my senior year. I just can't get over that. This is my senior year. I am a senior in college. I have two semesters left and then I'm done. With college. I am on my way to being a college graduate. Its weird.
All of which to say that I'm back in Redding getting ready to start classes and that the posting will happen with some amount of regularity again. Just so you know.
The trivia could come back...it depends on who cares to answer.
I'm looking forward to updating you all on my life as I attend classes and work this fall, on my second to last semester. (Again, WEIRD.)
LOVE YOU!!!
Skippy

Wanted to share some pretty FABULOUS slightly (ahem) sarcastic quotes to brighten your day!!! Remember not to take yourself too seriously, no one else does.

Do not walk behind me, for I may not lead. Do not walk ahead of me, for I may not follow. Do not walk beside me either. Just pretty much leave me the hell alone.

The journey of a thousand miles begins with a broken fan belt and leaky tire.

Its always darkest before dawn. So if you're going to steal your neighbor’s newspaper, that's the time to do it.

Don't be irreplaceable. If you can't be replaced, you can't be promoted.

Always remember that you're unique. Just like everyone else.

If you think nobody cares if you're alive, try missing a couple of car payments.

Before you criticize someone, you should walk a mile in their shoes. That way, when you criticize them, you're a mile away and you have their shoes.

If at first you don't succeed, skydiving is probably not for you.

Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day. Teach him how to fish, and he will sit in a boat and drink beer all day.

If you lend someone $20 and never see that person again, it was probably a wise investment.

If you tell the truth, you don't have to remember anything.

Some days you're the bug; some days you're the windshield.

Everyone seems normal until you get to know them.

The quickest way to double your money is to sold it in half and put it back in your pocket.

A closed mouth gathers no foot.

Duct tape is like 'The Force.' It has a light side and a dark side, and it holds the universe together.

There are two theories to arguing with women. Neither one works.

Generally speaking, you aren't learning much when your lips are moving.

Experience is something you don't get until just after you need it.

Never miss a good chance to shut up.

Be who you are say what you feel because those who mind don’t matter and those who matter don’t mind.

SONG

Song: “n. 1. short metrical composition intended or adapted for singing, esp. one in rhymed stanzas. 2. poetical composition; poetry. 3. the art or act of singing; vocal music.” Music: “n. an art of sound in time that expresses ides and emotions in significant forms through the elements of rhythm, melody, harmony, and dynamics.” According to Mr. Webster, ‘music’ and ‘song’ are similar, as they will be for the purpose of this paper. Today the distinction is made between Song and song. Today, music and song will be what Webster states it as: “sound in time that expresses ides and emotions in significant forms through the elements of rhythm, melody, harmony, and dynamics.” And Song will be not only the countless songs I have known, sung, listened to and played myself over the years, but the way the wind moves through the trees and the glorious sound of community. Song is the crescendo of instruments in perfect tune and the voice of my best friend as she reads scripture. Song is the perfection with which some authors write their books and the encouraging notes I receive from friends. Song is not just voice, although that has been a significant part of it. Song is a language, an emotion, a state of mind, and an expression. It is all encompassing and yet the most exclusive thing I have ever known. Song, is complicated; and Song is simple. Song is perfectly balanced, and incredibly intuitive. Song just is.
Song has a great significance for me. My mother once said “Singing is breathing for us.” She’s right, I’ve sung my whole life, I don’t remember a time before there was song. The song has just always been, always. My father was a music minister for thirty years; my mother played the piano. I sang in church from the time I could speak, I’m fairly certain that my Dad taught me to sing before he taught me to talk. Throughout my life many things have changed, most of them in the past three years. Since I graduated High School my father has passed away, my mother and I have moved out of the home I had lived in my entire life; going to church (let alone singing in church) has become a sporadic event, and I have questioned my faith and the God that I have believed in and have loved for 13 years. And through all of that, two things have remained the same: the God I questioned, and the Song I carried in my soul. More often than not, it is that Song that carries me back to God. In the same way that Song used to carry me back to God, it continues to draw me in, opening my mind and my heart to God’s presence, making it okay for me to search for Him. Song can pull me into God, even when I am desperately running the other way. Song expresses to me the emotions and thoughts of God that I cannot seem to feel or understand. It allows me to express to God the way I feel and what I think when I cannot seem to find the words. Song is the way that I am able to openly communicate with God. In Song I am most open, and Song is the best mode for me to convey my inner self – especially to God. “Song is the best and only true expression of the human soul, especially this human soul.”
Song is ever changing, yet completely constant; more or less, good or bad, loud or soft, in tune or off key – it is continually shifting and yet is relentlessly the same essence. This is extremely significant to me because I get very frustrated when something is repeated without variation; and yet – I need the consistency of the same medium and of my understanding of that medium. Each time I listen to a song I hear something different: another instrument or recurring melodic phrase, another lyric or artist intonation, another sound. The song resounds repeatedly, each a unique part of a united whole. This resonates with me because in the same way that I hear a new sound in a song, through Song I hear, see, and learn a different strain of God. Song shows me the lessons about God that I have not fully learned; pointing out the parts of God I should be focusing on, and the promises that He has made.
The lines of song that impact me the most are the lines that are straight from scripture. There are countless songs that are taken straight from scripture. The Psalms in particular are a great source of song lyrics, mostly because they are songs themselves. Just as there countless biblical songs, there are two works that demonstrate Song and speak directly of the Singer. The first is an actual song call ‘The Singer” by David Phelps. Here are some of the lyrics:

The music began at His command and the Singer drew his breath
The melody rose and dawned on the land and pierced the emptiness
And from a barren and lonely place life began to spring
As on the stage of time and space God threw back His head and began to sing
Let there be light /Invade the darkness, fill up the void, replace the noise, with sweet harmony
Let there be joy, and echoes of laughter
And the Singer sings on and still writes the song of the redeemed
Though beautifully sung, the song went unheard and darkness returned again
But God had a plan in the second verse to win back the hearts of man
A star rose up in the eastern sky that night in Bethlehem
And as the baby Jesus cried God sang out His song and the angels joined in
And every time a soul receives that joyful Christmas song
He rises from His throne and all creation sings along

The second is actually from a well known book.

“In the darkness something was happening at last. A voice had begun to sing. … Sometimes it seemed to come from all directions at once. Sometimes he almost thought it was coming out of the earth beneath them. Its lower notes were deep enough to be the voice of the earth herself. There were no words. There was hardly even a tune. But it was, beyond comparison, the most beautiful noise he had ever heard. It was so beautiful he could hardly bear it. … the voice was suddenly joined by other voices; more voices than you could possibly count. They were in harmony with it, but far higher up the scale: cold, tingling, silvery voices. The second wonder was that the blackness overhead, all at once, was blazing with stars. They didn’t come out gently one by one, as they do on a summer evening. One moment there had been nothing but darkness; next moment a thousand, thousand points of light leapt out…you would have felt quite certain that it was the stars themselves which were singing, and that it was the First Voice, the deep one, which had made them appear and made them sing. … The Voice rose and rose, till all the air was shaking with it. And just as it swelled to the mightiest and most glorious sound it had yet produced, the sun arose. … The earth was of many colours: they were fresh, hot and vivid. They made you feel excited; until you saw the Singer himself, and then you forgot everything else.”

C.S. Lewis’ The Magician’s Nephew. I included this section to demonstrate that this is not simply Lewis writing about Song, this writing IS Song. It’s a perfect example of Song not being music. It’s a perfect example of how reading a section of a book sends chills down my spine and makes my heart race. Both of these inserts are about the Singer and how He sang the world into being. The Creation story as told in Genesis are lyrics (so to speak) and David Phelps’ “The Singer” and C.S. Lewis’s prose are the melody and the harmony that take those lyrics from words on a page to real and tangible life that you can feel all the way down to your soul.

HISTORY OF SONG
I grew up in Southern Baptist churches where the standard service would begin with two praise songs and three hymns followed by an offertory hymn, the sermon, and a hymn or praise song for the benediction. Music was never discussed as anything more than music in my church; although we did talk a lot about the fact that musical talent was a gift of God and a gift not everyone had. We also talked about the people who have that gift being called to share it with everyone, and the way that everyone is blessed when those talented members share their gifts with the whole church. Song as I define it, my Song, was a non issue at my church: never encouraged, never discouraged – just never discussed. My family is where my Song really developed. As previously stated, song was always a part of my life at home; that song grew to become my Song. There was always music playing at my house: a tape or a CD, a music video on the TV, Mom playing the piano or one of us singing. I played the piano for several years; began playing the clarinet in the fourth grade and continued to play until after my first semester at Simpson; and danced from the time I was three until I started middle school. I sang in talent shows at school and during special times on Sundays at church. My family was always part of whatever musical production my church was doing. I learned early on that as long as it was music I was playing; it was liked by everyone in the house and I could blast my stereo as loud as I wanted it. All of that is just the ‘music’ part of it. Song is the language of my soul; my soul learned to speak the way it did at home because we shared feelings and thoughts through song. My Song was born here and nourished here in the way we lived our lives. At church, Song came through as we sang my favorite songs on Sundays, the ones that all the old people had memorized and what Mom played on the piano when she was just playing instead of practicing. At home, Song was in everything we did and felt. I believe that the Song I learned at home is not only a accurate representation but also what has carried me through the years to where I am now. I would also take the Song I learned at home one step further. Music can be Song, yes; but fabulous pictures are Song; so are amazing books, really good food, and a sunny day spent working in the yard. I find Song in getting things crossed off a list, or making someone happy. Song is all around me when I play with my nieces or work hard and fast with my crew to set up the gym. I have learned in the past three years that a place without Song is not a place I want to be; that the life permeated by Song is what I long for – and that Song is my highway to God. Life permeated by Song is life permeated by God, and that is my ultimate goal.

MY SONG TODAY
One way that my definition of Song changed recently is mode of expression. Just as Song is expressed to me in multiple ways, I can express Song in multiple ways. My first method of Song was my voice, and for a long time I thought that voice, specifically my voice, was the only method I had to express Song. I have been learning this year that sometimes the best way for me to express anything is through silence. My voice has been a source of pride in the past, and rightly so – my Daddy taught me well and I was gifted with that talent. I have lost most of that in the past few years, and I have also come to see that my voice should not be a source of pride for me, but a source of pride for God. I have learned that when I sing I am often singing for myself, even if the words I am singing are meant for God. I have found that in those times when I want to sing out loudly – especially when those words from my heart really are for God, that by being silent and just listening to the words and the music, reciting them in my head I am pulled farther in God’s embrace. By being silent, I allow my soul to sing, instead of my vocal box; Dad may have trained my vocal chords, but God is forever training my soul. I have learned that Song is everywhere – you just have to look for it. Intentionality is a word that we used often in my Spiritual Formation class, and it is the word that fits best here. Regardless of where I am or what I’m doing or how I’m feeling, if I can find my Song – my day instantly improves. If I am intentional about looking for Song in other people, I feel more akin to them and am more apt to show them love and support. If I search for Song in myself, I am more at peace with who I am and what I’m doing. I have also learned that I don’t have Song when I’m happy, I am happy because I have Song. I feel the presence of God near me when I am in tune with Song, even if what I am doing is not your typical ‘worship’ activity. When I listen to some of the movie scores in my iTunes, they strike such a chord in me that I can literally sit back from my computer, close my eyes, and soar above the clouds with my Maker. When I see pictures of my family I have taken, pictures others have taken of me– just my favorite pictures, I see in those faces or landscapes the hand of my heavenly Father and I am drawn into creation and Creator alike. Last year my suitemates and a few of the other girls were just sitting in our room hanging out while one of them packed to go home for weekend. We were there for almost three hours, just hanging out and talking and giggling as girls do – this was a time when Song was all around me, weaving in and out of my mind and my heart, binding us together as sisters in Christ. I find Song in the oddest things: movie lines and quotes from musicals, the random things that happen at work that we laugh about for days. Funny one liners that pop up on Facebook. The day that Jason Lezak came out of nowhere to win the Gold for the Americans – an event for which God was not given the glory by anyone involved; but I watched that and thought of the Creator who made those four guys muscle by muscle to be able to do that and the Great Orchestrator who brought them together to make it happen just the way it did. As I have come to have a more accurate, ‘backstage’ look at the church and the way ministry works it has become more and more important to me to find God in my everyday life. Song has helped me to see that He is here with me every minute of every day if I will simply reach out and touch Him. Song has shown me that God rejoices in the times that I spent with my girlfriends and the elation I get from seeing pictures of my niece walking. Some of the quotes I’ve shared recently are more examples of what Song is to me. A phrase or sentence that makes me stop and contemplate life, God, myself or others is Song. The words that speak to me enough that I write and rewrite them, the words that end up on my wall, on sticky notes in my Bible and notebook and planner – those are the Song in my everyday life. Song has shown me that all of life is the space God would fill if we would just allow Him to come in and take hold.
Song is so tremendously important to me in so many ways. Song is my home, especially now at a time in my life when I’m not sure where I belong; but Song is also my traveling buddy, going with me everywhere, always being ‘home’ for me. Song is my closest friend and my most challenging companion. She is the way God constantly, continually, always draws me back to Himself. She is the way God speaks to me, and often the way God speaks through me. Song is the language of my soul. Song is my soul. Without Song, I am just an empty shell filled with mistakes and regrets. Song fills me with life, laughter, and the will to go on.

Church Sunday Morning

So much to say!!! I know for me this isn't that new of a concept, but still.
I went to church today by myself. I went to Little Country which isn’t little its huge, perfect for disappearing into. Walked in and sat down just as the worship leader was starting the first song. Sat in the back, surrounded by people I didn't know. You know those song services that are so great it doesn't matter if the Pastor didn't preach at all, you'd still walk away with tons of new stuff to think about? This was one of them. We sang 'Your Grace is Enough' which reminded me that I don't need a guy or my best friend right here or those I love physically near to me to be okay or fulfilled. HIS grace IS enough for me; I just have to accept that. Then we sang 'I am a Friend of God'. Really - how cool is that? Creator of the universe, and He has called me friend!!!??!!And not just friend, His daughter, His beloved, one He died for. Mind boggling. Then we sang a song I'd never heard before called 'Made Me Glad'. The chorus is: "And I'll say of the Lord, You are my shield, my strength, my portion, deliverer. My shelter, strong tower. My very present help in time of need." Again - God is enough. And not only is He enough because He's God, He's enough because He is all those things. He is my strength - which means I don't have to do it by myself!! He's my help in time of need (most of my life, I know) and not only that but He's my VERY PRESENT help - He's not off in some far away land. Next came 'What Joy Is Found', another new song for me. The chorus goes: Singing oh how lovely is the King in all His glory. And the Christ who is Holy. Who was, and who is. And how amazing is His love so unfailing. And His grace that draws us near." I watched One Night With the King last night, it does a really good job of showing the splendor of the King. And the first time I read the line 'the King in all His glory' I started seeing all of that glory from the movie multiplied by like a gazillion with a Holy Christ in the middle of it. Again, mind boggling. We also sang a song containing the phrase "I am here to seek only Your face" and it reminded me of why I went to Little Country in the first place. To be able to seek His face without the extra crap of people and activities and tasks. Without having to dodge the pleas for involvement and money and ‘finding a church home’ etc. And it worked.
The pastor spoke on Jeremiah and the temple. The talk of the temple reminded me of a part in the movie last night where Mordecai is talking to one of the Jewish merchants who had come to Susa from Jerusalem and Mordecai is asking about the temple. The man says "What ecstasy to stand in the presence of the Almighty. Like the intimate embrace of a husband and wife. It is so much deeper than mere mortal love." Its that feeling when we're singing and the words are speaking into my heart and I no longer worry about what's going on around me or what I'm doing later or how I'm going to get the work done or what’s going on with my family. Pure focus on the greatness of God. Mind boggling is the word of the day.