Tsunamis

A lot of people ask a lot of questions about Me. Often when they can't get their questions answered sufficiently, they decide to put Me back on the shelf...until they experience chaos or trauma in their lives, in which case they forgot about the answers they need and call out for Me and hope that I AM forgiving and loving and will forget about their aforementioned attitudes.
Actually I AM a lot like that...I forgive and forget.
I know there are a lot of questions that don't seem to have answers. Some of them you will understand as you mature and go through some struggles. Some you will never get. some you will get just by human logic.
When people ask why bad things happen, they often get their answer just by realizing that you can't have an "UP" without a "DOWN," a front with a back, light without dark--and you just can't have good without bad. We could go into that a lot further and talk about free will and how you have to be able to choose to love or you can't have love.
but that isn't what this blog is about.
I want to talk today to those people who really love ME and who are often the recipients of the hard questions. I've watched a lot of you lately. And when one particular question is posed, you either give a naive answer or a dumb one...or many of you have no answer at all, and you begin to wonder about me yourself when you contemplate for a while.
I guess you're ready for the question now.

Earthquakes, tsunamis, floods, 9/11... WHERE IS GOD IN ALL OF THAT?????

If He is a loving God, why would He let that happen?
I'M not going to give you an answer to this hard question. Actually, you're asking the wrong one. It shouldn't be "Why, God?" or, "Where were You, God?" as much as it should be, "Who are You, God?" But as I said, this blog isn't about answering the question. I'M just going to tell you what I desire. Often when you know what I desire, the questions don't bother you as much.
My desire is for all of you to be with me for eternity. You will live on earth for a little while first. The earth is flawed. So are the people who live there. That's why you'll only be there for a little while. You weren't even created for that to be your home...it's just a stopping off place. My desire is for as may of you as possible to get to know Me and love Me and serve Me. To put Me above all else. One of the ways you do that is by serving others.

When buildings fall and tsunamis hit and the flood waters take away life, My desire is this--that those who know Me, serve.
When the world is sending millions of dollars for relief, then Christians should be sending billions.
When the organizations of the world are sending relief to countries who are devastated, My people should be there in convoys...holding, helping, giving, building, loving, feeding.

The world should see that when the natural course of this flawed world causes chaos, the God of the universe works through...HIS people, and it is HIS hands that are holding on to those who have lost loved ones, His arms that are embracing those who need HIM. It is HIS love that has brought them food and money and water.
His heart hurts, and his people hurt...and they are the first ones there to help and the last ones to leave.
An interesting thing happens when someone comes alongside people going through trauma and walks with them through the turmoil, and they experience love and grace and help. Something changes. Ten years down the road when they look back, the grief is still there, but it is softer. What is still very strong and very vivid is the love and strength and support that was given by others, and the relationships developed and then continued. (The trauma is never remembered or forged in minds nearly as much as the good stuff...the God stuff.)
My desire is to use the hard things that come your way to strengthen and solidify your character, faith, and relationship with me. Everyone will die. Everyone will suffer at times. My desire is to hold on to you and love you during all of your hard times.
Where am I in the midst of all the chaos?
I AM right there in the middle, working through My people, helping, loving, guiding, giving all that is needed.
My desire, however, is...that a whole lot more of you realize what you are on the planet for, and you allow your hands and feet and dollars and hugs and hopes to be Mine in someone else's life.
Here's another thing to contemplate. If everyone was doing what I hope for them to do, then millions of people all over the world would already be telling other millions about Me and My love and My grace and what life was all about. And then of course that would create a big cycle of that happening all the time all over the place.
Then when the weird stuff happened (and don't get Me wrong here because I AM not trivializing this...when you hurt, so do I), here would be the result:

There is another life after this one...some people get to go there sooner than they expected.
For the survivors...if they let Me, they get to experience My grace and mercy in ways they never could have otherwise. Going through awful times together can make us grow closer, making the future much greater.

Here's something else for you to think about.
You see on the news the big events. You are aware of the earthquakes and floods and bombings. What you don't see is that many more thousands (than in any disaster that has happened) are dying every day of starvation and disease because they live in areas where they have no food and no knowledge of nutrition, no sanitation, no education.. Compared to any disaster in the headlines, the numbers are staggering.
If you all would work together and look at this short time I have given you on your planet and decide what is really important, you could make a magnificent impact.
Interesting, isn't it?

Some people are asking of Me: "Where are You when disaster hits?"

I'm asking you the same question.

Donoho 2005

God Blog

Human Date: 0/0/00

Wow! I really started something this week.
I created a universe.
Yep, a whole universe with stars and planets,

galaxies,

and big black holes,

lots of movable parts and colors and
everything.

Its pretty cool.

I got a little carried away. I started with just little pieces: atoms or smaller protons and electrons. Most of you know about those. Some of you even know about the smaller pieces called neutrinos and quarks and subquarks...There are even smaller pieces...but you haven't found them...yet. You will, and you'll be amazed!!!
Anyway, I took these tiny little pieces and formed space and moons and solar systems and somethings that you can't imagine but are BIGGER than anything you can get your head around.
I focused a lot of my attention on this one ball of dirt and water.
I made living creatures, the sky, clouds, grass, trees, oceans, elephants, whales, insects, amoebas, slugs, frogs, hippos, kangaroos, pandas, opossums, skunks (that was fun) and the list goes on and on.
Sorry for the long list...I get carried away every time I think of it. It was just a great fun week.

Then toward the end of the week...I made My most astounding creation. It's amazing what God can do when He mixes some dirt and water and cells and then breathes some God-life into it.

It's the closest thing to
ME
I've ever created.

When My first human opened his eyes and took his first breath, we just stared each other in the face.
Then I started laughing,
and he didn't know what to do (mainly because he had never done anything before).
But as he looked at Me and saw Me smiling...
it was just natural for him to smile back
(that's the way I made him).
I was so excited and elated and laughing all over!
For a while all I could do was just watch him.
Then we talked...and new synapses formed in his brain (just like I made them to) and he learned...and we both had experiences that had never existed before...even for Me.
It was great, but the whole time, I knew something was missing.
He felt it to.

What happened next almost made Me surprise Myself! I took part of that man and formed something...some ONE...that made both of us step back in wonder...
When the man stepped back, he almost fell into a canyon..
When I stepped back, I almost fell of the edge of eternity (metaphorically speaking).

SHE WAS INCREDIBLE.

I laughed again, and then I cried. The man did the same thing I did; (he's a lot like Me).

Pledge of Allegiance

"I had this one teacher…to me this was the greatest teacher, a real sage, of my time anyhow, had such wisdom. Mr. Laswell was his name. And we were all reciting the Pledge of Allegiance of day and he walked over and said, “I’ve been listening to you boys and girls recite the Pledge of Allegiance all semester and it seems as though it were becoming monotonous to you. If I may, may I recite it and try to explain to you the meaning of each word.

I
me, an individual, a committee of one
Pledge
dedicate all of my worldly goods to give without self pity
Allegiance
my love and my devotion
To the flag
our standard, Old Glory, a symbol of freedom. Wherever she waves, there's respect because your loyalty has given her a dignity that shouts freedom is everybody's job
United
that means that we have all come together
States
individual communities that have united into 48 great states. Forty-eight individual communities with pride and dignity and purpose; all divided with imaginary boundaries, yet united to a common purpose, and that's love for country.
And to the republic
republic: a state in which sovereign power is invested in representatives chosen by the people to govern. And government is the people and it's from the people to the leaders, not from the leaders to the people.
For which it stands, one nation
one nation, meaning "so blessed by God"
Indivisible
incapable of being divided
With liberty
which is freedom -- the right of power to live one's own life without threats, fear or some sort of retaliation
And Justice
the principle or quality of dealing fairly with others
For all, for all.
which means, boys and girls, it's as much your country as it is mine.

And now boys and girls, let me hear you recite the Pledge of Allegiance.

I pledge allegiance to the flag of the United States of America, and to the republic for which it stands, one nation under God, indivisible, with liberty and justice for all.

Since I was a small boy, two states have been added to our country and two words have been added to the pledge of Allegiance: under God. Wouldn't it be a pity if someone said that is a prayer and that would be eliminated from schools too?"
- Red Skelton

He Is

Father, let the world just fade away
Let me feel your presence in this place
Lord, I’ve never been so weary
How I need to know you’re near me
Father, let the world just fade away

Till I’m on my knees
Till my heart can sing

He is
He was
He always will be

Even when it feels like there is no one holding me
Be still, my soul
He is

Father, let your Holy Spirit sing
Let it calm the storm inside of me
As I stand amazed
Lift my hands and say

He is; He was; He always will be

He lives; He loves; He’s always with me

Even when it feels like there is no one holding me
Be still, my soul
Through every fear
And every doubt
And every tear I shed
Down every road
I’m not alone
No matter where I am

He is; He was; And He always will be

He lives; He loves; He’s always with me

Even when it feels like there is no one holding me
Be still, my soul
Be still, and know
Be still, my soul
He is

Hold My Heart

How long must I pray, must I pray to You?
How long must I wait, must I wait for You?
How long 'til I see Your face, see You shining through?
I'm on my knees, begging You to notice me.
I'm on my knees, Father will You turn to me?

One tear in the driving rain,
One voice in a sea of pain
Could the maker of the stars
Hear the sound of my breaking heart?
One life, that's all I am
Right now I can barely stand
If You're everything You say You are
Would You come close and hold my heart

I've been so afraid, afraid to close my eyes
So much can slip away before I say goodbye.
But if there's no other way, I'm done asking why.
I'm on my knees, begging You to turn to me
I'm on my knees, Father will You run to me?

One tear in the driving rain,
One voice in a sea of pain
Could the maker of the stars
Hear the sound of my breaking heart?
One life, that's all I am
Right now I can barely stand
If You're everything You say You are
Would You come close and hold my heart.

So many questions without answers, Your promises remain
I can't see but I'll take my chances to hear You call my name
To hear You call my name

One tear in the driving rain,
One voice in a sea of pain
Could the maker of the stars
Hear the sound of my breaking heart?
One life, that's all I am
Right now I can barely stand
If You're everything You say You are
Won't You come close and hold my heart.

Hold my heart, could you hold my heart?
Hold my heart.

Missy's Song

Breath in me...deep
That I might breathe...and live
And hold me close that I might sleep
Soft held by all you give

Come kiss me wind and take my breath
Till you and I are one
And we will dance among the tombs
Until all death is gone

And no one knows that we exist
Wrapped in each other's arms
Except the One who blew the breath
That hides me safe from harm

Come kiss me Wind and take my breath
Till You and I are one
And we will dance among the tombs
Until all death is gone

WM. Paul Young 2007

Once, a long time ago all people had four legs and two heads.
And then the gods threw down thunder bolts and split everyone into two.
Each have then two legs and one head; but the separation left both sides with a desperate yearning to be reunited, because they each shared the same soul.
And ever since then all people spend their lives searching for the other half of their soul.

Did you know there are two verses to Ring Around the Rosy?
Ring around the rosy, pocket full of posies
Ashes, ashes we all fall down.
The cows are in the meadow eating buttercups
Ashes, ashes we all stand up!

I had no idea. The things you learn from a toddler cd.

Did you know that the song dates back to the bubonic plague in London in 1665 and that the lyrics may refer to the plague itself?
"The symptoms of the plague included a rosy red rash in the shape of a ring on the skin (Ring around the rosy). Pockets and pouches were filled with sweet smelling herbs ( or posies) which were carried due to the belief that the disease was transmitted by bad smells. The term "Ashes Ashes" refers to the cremation of the dead bodies!" (http://www.rhymes.org.uk/ring_around_the_rosy.htm)

Retropackum

Looking back through the past months and years of this blog I have noticed that I often start with something along the lines of 'Update' or 'Catch Up' or, when I can't or don't want to spend the time and brain power to write what is going on in my own life I post something that I received in an email or read online or something.
In 2009, I posted 18 times. That's one and a half posts a month. Pretty pathetic.
In 2008 I posted 24 times. That's twice a month!!! A portion of that was copied stuff but for the most part it was actually thoughts and what made me think them, or more specifically, the things that made me think.
2007 showed less posts, but more personal stuff.
2006 was really the year for this blog. Most of it was walking through day by day stuff. Reading all that now its no wonder no one ever read it and its a wonder I even posted it; although it is interesting for me to go back and read what was going on in my life then. 2006 was also the year Daddy got so sick and died so there's lots of that stuff in there too.
I started this blog in 2005, right before I moved to Simpson. So in reading through all that I find that I talked a lot about what I did each day and didn't really hear a lot back from folk. Interesting...

I'm not really sure why I started this retrospective, but it is now done. I've said a zillion times 'I'll post more I really will!' I may, I may not. It all depends what happens that worth posting about.

As my RA my freshmen year ALWAYS said: TTFN
Colonel Skippy

Business vs. Family

"Its not personal, its business."
"What does that even mean? Whatever anything is it ought to begin by being personal."
- You've Got Mail
At church last week Brad started a series on the Lord's Prayer. His focus was on the first phrase, "our Father who are in heaven." He talked about the word 'Abba' and how it wasn't a word describing familiarity but a "deep and trusting reverence". He talked about the differences between business and family.
A business relationship is about doing, what you can do for me. A family relationship is about being, being who you are.
In a business relationship you are expected to perform, and only if you perform adequately will you be accepted. In a family relationship you are accepted, and out of that comes a performance, or not - yet another aspect specific to family.
A business runs on reciprocity - I sell means you buy and we both get what we want. A family runs on whats needed - if you need and I have, then I give and if you never give it back, you're still family.
In a business you make a list of problems to bring to the attention of the management. In a family, there is no chance of eviction.

Later Brad posed the question: why would God listen to my prayers? The answer is simple: because He is still my Father. No matter what we do or don't do or say or don't say; no matter how we act or how we fail, He is still our Father. "And no one is able to snatch them out of the Father's hand." (John 10:29b) We are family, and that means forever.
Have you ever heard anyone say, "I'm in business with God"? I never have. But I constantly hear about the family of God, the family that is the church, "God our Father, Christ our brother" (Casting Crowns 2009) "I'm so glad, I'm a part of the family of God". Business contracts end, family never does. Blood is thicker than water and all that.

The point is: when we pray the Lord's prayer, when we pray at all, are we addressing a business contact or a family member? Do we finagle and bargain and negotiate or do we boldly ask for what we need? Brad has mentioned several times that when a member of the congregation wants to talk to him in his office they quietly knock on the door and wait for him say 'Come in', but when one of his children need or want something they come straight in. Not only is it amusing to watch Brad tell this story but as a child who barged into Mom's office often, regardless of who was in there or how busy she looked, I completely appreciate the point. It never mattered who Mom was talking to or what she was doing, when I wanted or needed something from her or that was in her office I opened the door and walked into the office. I wonder what my walk with God would be like if I approached Him the same way I approached Mom.

"The only person who dare wake a King at 3am for a drink of water is his child." Would you wake a King in the middle of the night for something as simple as a drink of water? You would if you were his child. And the reality is, we are children of king, THE KING, so why don't we act like it?

The WORD is ALIVE

"Looking out from His throne, the Father of life and of men, chose to make Himself known and show us the way back to Him.
Speaking wisdom and truth into the hearts of peasants and kings, He began to unveil the Word that would change the course of all things.
With eyes wide open, all would see the Word is alive! And it cuts like a sword through the darkness with a message of life to the hopeless and the frail; breathing life into all who believe! The Word is alive!! And the world and it’s glories will fade, but It’s truth it will not pass away. It remains yesterday and forever the same, the Word is alive.

Simple strokes on a page, eternity’s secrets revealed. Carried on, from age to age, speaks truth to us even still.
And as the rain falls from Heaven, feeds the earth before it returns; Lord, let Your Word fall on us and bring forth the fruit You deserve
With eyes wide open, let us see the Word is alive! And it cuts like a sword through the darkness with a message of life to the hopeless and the frail; breathing life into all who believe! The Word is alive!! And the world and it’s glories will fade, but It’s truth it will not pass away. It remains yesterday and forever the same, the Word is alive.

The Bible was inscribed over a period of two thousand years in times of war and in days of peace by kings, physicians, tax collectors, farmers, fishermen, singers, and shepherds.
The marvel is that a library so perfectly cohesive could have been produced by such a diverse crowd over a period of time which staggers the imagination.
Jesus is its grand subject, our good is its design, and the glory of God is its end.

With eyes wide open, all would see the Word is alive! And it cuts like a sword through the darkness with a message of life to the hopeless and the frail; breathing life into all who believe! The Word is alive!! And the world and it’s glories will fade, but It’s truth it will not pass away. It remains yesterday and forever the same, the Word is alive."


Argue with that.

Opportunity knocks, temptation leans on the doorbell.
Thoughts?

God is busy

A United States Marine was attending some college courses between assignments. He had completed missions in Iraq and Afghanistan. One of the courses had a professor who was an avowed atheist and a member of the ACLU.

One day the professor shocked the class when he came in he looked to the ceiling and flatly stated, 'God, if you are real, then I want you to knock me off this platform. I'll give you exactly 15 minutes.' The lecture room fell silent.
You could hear a pin drop.

Ten minutes went by and the professor proclaimed, 'Here I am God. I'm still waiting.' It got down to the last couple of minutes when the Marine got out of his chair, went up to the professor, and cold-cocked him, knocking him off the platform. The professor was out cold.

The Marine went back to his seat and sat there, silently. The other students were shocked, stunned, and sat there looking on in silence. The professor eventually came to, noticeably shaken, looked at the Marine and asked, 'What the heck is the matter with you? Why did you do that?' The Marine calmly replied, 'God was too busy today protecting American soldiers who are protecting your right to say stupid stuff and act like an idiot. So, He sent me.

And all God's people said -- AMEN!

So you think you know everything...

• A dime has 118 ridges around the edge.
• A cat has 32 muscles in each ear.
• A crocodile cannot stick out its tongue.
• A dragonfly has a life span of 24 hours.
• A goldfish has a memory span of three seconds.
• A "jiffy" is an actual unit of time for 1/100th of a second.
• A shark is the only fish that can blink with both eyes.
• A snail can sleep for three years.
• Al Capone's business card said he was a used furniture dealer.
• All 50 states are listed across the top of the Lincoln Memorial on the back of the $5 bill.
• Almonds are a member of the peach family.
• An ostrich's eye is bigger than its brain.
• Babies are born without kneecaps. They don't appear until the child reaches 2 to 6 years of age.
• Butterflies taste with their feet.
• Cats have over one hundred vocal sounds. Dogs only have about 10.
• "Dreamt" is the only English word that ends in the letters "mt".
• February 1865 is the only month in recorded history not to have a full moon.
• In the last 4,000 years, no new animals have been domesticated.
• If the population of China walked past you, in single file, the line would never end because of the rate of reproduction.
• If you are an average American, in your whole life, you will spend an average of 6 months waiting at red lights.
• It's impossible to sneeze with your eyes open.
• Leonardo Da Vinci invented the scissors.
• Maine is the only state whose name is just one syllable.
• No word in the English language rhymes with month, orange, silver, or purple.
• On a Canadian two dollar bill, the flag flying over the Parliament building is an American flag.
• Our eyes are always the same size from birth, but our nose and ears never stop growing.
• Peanuts are one of the ingredients of dynamite.
• Rubber bands last longer when refrigerated.
• "Stewardesses" is the longest word typed with only the left hand and "lollipop" with your right.
• The average person's left hand does 56% of the typing.
• The cruise liner, QE2, moves only six inches for each gallon of diesel that it burns.
• The microwave was invented after a researcher walked by a radar tube and a chocolate bar melted in his pocket.
• The sentence: "The quick brown fox jumps over the lazy dog" uses every letter of the alphabet.
• The winter of 1932 was so cold that Niagara Falls froze completely solid.
• The words 'racecar,' 'kayak' and 'level' are the same whether they are read left to right or right to left (palindromes).
• There are 293 ways to make change for a dollar.
• There are more chickens than people in the world.
• There are only four words in the English language which end in "dous": tremendous, horrendous, stupendous, and hazardous
• There are two words in the English language that have all five vowels in order: "abstemious" and "facetious."
• There's no Betty Rubble in the Flintstones Chewables Vitamins.
• Tigers have striped skin, not just striped fur.
• TYPEWRITER is the longest word that can be made using the letters only on one row of the keyboard.
• Winston Churchill was born in a ladies' room during a dance.
• Women blink nearly twice as much as men.
• Your stomach has to produce a new layer of mucus every two weeks; otherwise it will digest itself.


.............Now you know everything

Catch up...

I know, long time no NOTHIN.
I'm here to update you all in the saga that is my life.
I moved to Boise in July and spent all of July, all of August and all of September looking for work. FINALLY, at the end of September I was hired on as a server at the Courtyard by Marriott in Banquets. Its basically Conference Services and catering together, we do all the set up and serve the food, clear dishes and completely tear down. I was really excited and very grateful to get the job but struggled because I was so out of shape (not doing anything for five months is killer) and because I was only getting a few hours a week.
Last Sunday night one of the online job searches I had used emailed me with a new posting for Vector Marketing. I had never heard of it and didn't really want to but filled out the application anyway. The next day I got a call that they wanted to set up an interview, they had an opening at 5:30 so I took it. The three part interview process took about three hours and at the end I had a job!
As of Wednesday I am an independent contractor for Vector Marketing showing Cutco in home appointments. I make my own schedule (outside of training which was Wednesday, Thursday and Friday last week, a few hours today and a few hours Wednesday night; and weekly team meetings) and get paid whether I sell or not - so its not only based on commission.
I did six appointments between training on Friday and Sunday night. I have three set up today and need lots more before next Sunday. I'm really excited at the opportunities with the company: the product is awesome and the people are honest and supportive; there's lots of room for advancement and pay advances - which after five months of unemployment is much needed.
Basically that's whats going on in my life.
Once again I will be attempting to update more often than once a month. In the mean time - enjoy your day!

Children...

A Teacher presented each child in her classroom the 1st half of a well-known proverb and asked them to come up with the remainder of the proverb.

1.Don't change horses until they stop running.
2.Strike while the bug is close.
3.It's always darkest before Daylight Saving Time.
4.Never underestimate the power of termites.
5.You can lead a horse to water but How?
6.Don't bite the hand that looks dirty.
7.No news is impossible
8.A miss is as good as a Mr.
9.You can't teach an old dog new Math
10.If you lie down with dogs, you'll stink in the morning.
11.Love all, trust Me.
12.The pen is mightier than the pigs.
13.An idle mind is the best way to relax.
14.Where there's smoke there's pollution.
15.Happy the bride who gets all the presents.
16.A penny saved is not much.
17.Two's company, three's the Musketeers.
18.Don't put off till tomorrow what you put on to go to bed.
19.Laugh and the whole world laughs with you, cry and you have to blow your nose.
20.There are none so blind as Stevie Wonder.
21.Children should be seen and not spanked or grounded.
22.If at first you don't succeed get new batteries.
23.You get out of something only what you see in the picture on the box
24.When the blind lead the blind get out of the way.
25.A bird in the hand is going to poop on you.
26.Better late than . . . . .pregnant.
27. As you shall make your bed so shall you ... mess it up.
28. It is better to light one candle than to... light an explosive.
29. You have nothing to fear but... your Principal.
You have nothing to fear but... homework.
30. If you can't stand the heat... don't start the fireplace.
If you can't stand the heat... go swimming.
31. I think, therefore I... get a headache.
32. Early to bed and early to rise... is first in the bathroom.
33. A journey of a thousand miles begins with a... blister.
34. There is nothing new under the... bed.
35. The grass is always greener... when you leave the sprinkler on

The only stupid question is the one that is never asked, except maybe "Don't you think it is about time you audited my return?" or "Isn't it morally wrong to give me a warning when, in fact, I was speeding?" --Age 15

Short Quiz

The following short quiz consists of four questions and will tell you whether you are qualified to be a professional smart person.
Scroll down for each answer.
The questions are NOT that difficult.
But don't scroll down UNTIL you have answered each question!

1. How do you put a giraffe into a refrigerator?




















The correct answer is: Open the refrigerator, put in the giraffe, and close the door. This question tests whether you tend to do simple things in an overly complicated way.



















2. How do you put an elephant into a refrigerator?





















Did you say, "Open the refrigerator, put in the elephant, and close the refrigerator?"

Wrong Answer


















Correct Answer: Open the refrigerator, take out the giraffe, put in the elephant, and close the door. This tests your ability to think through the repercussions of your previous actions.
























3. The Lion King is hosting an animal conference. All the animals attend except one. Which animal does not attend?
























Correct Answer: The Elephant. The elephant is in the refrigerator. You just put him in there. This tests your memory. Okay, even if you did not answer the first three questions correctly, you still have one more chance to show your true abilities.






















4. There is a river you must cross, but it is used by crocodiles, and you do not have a boat. How do you manage it?























Correct Answer: You jump into the river and swim across. Have you been listening? All the crocodiles are attending the Animal Meeting. This tests whether you learn quickly from your mistakes.




















According to Anderson Consulting Worldwide, around 90% of the professionals they tested got all questions wrong, but many preschoolers got several correct answers. Anderson Consulting says this conclusively proves the theory that most professionals do not have the brains of a four-year-old.

This ad was posted to the personals:

To the guy who tried to mug me in downtown Savannah night before last.
Date: 05-27-09, 1:43 A. M. EST

I was the guy wearing the black Burberry jacket that you demanded that I hand over, shortly after you pulled the knife on my girlfriend and me, threatening our lives. You also asked for my girlfriend's purse and earrings. I can only hope that you somehow come across this rather important message.

First, I'd like to apologize for your embarrassment when I drew my pistol after you took my jacket. The evening was not that cold, and I was wearing the jacket for a reason. My girlfriend had just bought me that Kimber Model 1911 .45 A CP pistol for my birthday, and we had picked up a shoulder holster for it that very evening. Obviously you agree that it is a very intimidating weapon when pointed at your head, wasn't it?

I know it probably wasn't fun walking back to wherever you'd come from bare-footed since I made you leave your shoes, cell phone, and wallet with me. [That prevented you from calling or running to your buddies to come help mug us again].

After I called your mother or "Momma" as you had her listed in your cell, I explained the entire episode of what you'd done. Then I went and filled up my gas tank as well as four other people's in the gas station on your credit card. The guy with the big motor home took 150 gallons and was extremely grateful!

I gave your shoes to a homeless guy outside Vinnie Van Go Go's, along with all the cash in your wallet [that made his day!]. I then threw your wallet into the big pink "pimp mobile" that was parked at the curb ...after I broke the windshield and side window and keyed the entire driver's side of the car.

Later, I called a bunch of phone sex numbers from your cell phone. Ma Bell just now shut down the line, although I only used the phone for a little over a day now, so what's going on with that?

Earlier, I managed to get in two threatening phone calls to the DA's office and one to the FBI, while mentioning President Obama as my possible target. The FBI guy seemed really intense and we had a nice long chat (I guess while he traced your number).

In a way, perhaps I should apologize for not killing you ... but I feel this type of retribution is a far more appropriate punishment for your threatened crime. I wish you well as you try to sort through some of these rather immediate pressing issues, and can only hope that you have the opportunity to reflect upon, and perhaps reconsider the career path you've chosen to pursue in life. Remember, next time you might not be so lucky.

Have a good day!

Thoughtfully yours,
Alex

P.S. Remember this motto.... An armed society makes for a more civil society!

KNOW YOUR STATE MOTTO

Alabama - H ell, Yes, We Have Electricity.
Alaska - 11,623 Eskimos Can't Be Wrong!
Arizona - Yes, But It's A Dry Heat.
Arkansas - Literacy Ain't Everythang.
California - By 30, Our Women Have More Plastic Than Your Honda.
Colorado - If You Don't Ski, Don't Bother.
Connecticut - Like Massachusetts , only smaller.
Delaware - We Really Do Like The Chemicals In Our Water.
Florida - Ask Us About Our Grand Kids And Our Voting Skills.
Georgia - We Put The Fun In Fundamentalist Extremism.
Hawaii - Haka Tiki Mou Sha'ami Leeki Toru (Death To Mainland Scum, Leave Your Money)
Idaho - More Than Just Potatoes. Well, Okay, We're Not, But The Potatoes Sure Are Real Good
Illinois - Please, Don't Pronounce the 'S'
Indiana - Billion Years Tidal Wave Free
Iowa - We Do Amazing Things With Corn
Kansas - First Of The Rectangle states
Kentucky - Five Million People; Fifteen Last Names
Louisiana - We're Not ALL Drunk Cajun Wackos, But That's Our Tourism Campaign.
Maine - We're Really Cold, But We Have Cheap Lobster
Maryland - If You Can Dream It, We Can Tax It
Massachusetts - Our Taxes Are Lower Than Sweden 's And Our Senators Are More Corrupt
Michigan - First Line Of Defense From The Canadians
Minnesota - 10,000 Lakes.... And 10 Zillion Mosquitoes
Mississippi - Come visit And Feel Better About Your Own State
Missouri - Your Federal Flood Relief Tax Dollars At Work
Montana - Land Of The Big Sky, The Unabomber, Right-wing Crazies, and Honest Elections
Nebraska - Ask About Our State Motto Contest
Nevada - Hookers and Poker!
New Hampshire - Go Away And Leave Us Alone
New Jersey - You Want A ##$%##! Motto? I Got Yer ##$%##! Motto Right here!
New Mexico - Lizards Make Excellent Pets
New York - You Have The Right To Remain Silent, You Have The Right To An Attorney,And No Right To Self Defense!
North Carolina - Tobacco Is A Vegetable
North Dakota - We Really Are One Of The 50 States!
Ohio - At Least We're Not Michigan
Oklahoma - Like The Play, But No Singing
Oregon - Spotted Owl... It's What's For Dinner
Pennsylvania - Cook With Coal
Rhode Island - ! We're Not REALLY An Island
South Carolina - Remember The Civil War? Well, We Didn't Actually Surrender, Yet!
South Dakota - Closer Than North Dakota
Tennessee - Home of the Al Gore Invention Museum
Texas - Se Hable Ingles
Utah - Our Jesus Is Better Than Your Jesus
Vermont - Too liberal for the Kennedys
Virginia - Who Says Government Stiffs And Slackjaw Yokels Don't Mix?
Washington - Our Governor can out-fraud your Governor!
West Virginia - One Big Happy Family...Really!
Wisconsin - Come Cut the Cheese!
Wyoming - Where Men are Men and the Sheep are Scared. Home of Brokeback Mountain
The District of Columbia - The Work-Free Drug Place

A Woman Should Have...

A WOMAN SHOULD HAVE...
A set of screwdrivers,
A cordless drill,
And a black lace bra.

A WOMAN SHOULD HAVE...
One friend who always makes her laugh...
And one who lets her cry...

A WOMAN SHOULD HAVE...
A good piece of furniture not previously owned by anyone else in her family…

A WOMAN SHOULD HAVE
Eight matching plates,
Wine glasses with stems,
And a recipe for a meal that will make her guests feel honored.

A WOMAN SHOULD HAVE...
A feeling of control over her destiny...

EVERY WOMAN SHOULD KNOW...
How to fall in love
Without losing herself...

EVERY WOMAN SHOULD KNOW...
How to quit a job
break up with a lover
and confront a friend without ruining the friendship...

EVERY WOMAN SHOULD KNOW...
When to try harder... and WHEN TO WALK AWAY..

EVERY WOMAN SHOULD KNOW...
That she can't change
The length of her calves,
The width of her hips, or
The nature of her parents...

EVERY WOMAN SHOULD KNOW...
That her childhood may not have been perfect…
but; its over...

EVERY WOMAN SHOULD KNOW...
What she would and wouldn't do for love or more...

EVERY WOMAN SHOULD KNOW...
How to live alone...
Even if she doesn't like it...

EVERY WOMAN SHOULD KNOW...
Whom she can trust,
Whom she can't,
And why she shouldn't take it personally…

EVERY WOMAN SHOULD KNOW...
Where to go...
Be it to her best friend's kitchen table,
Or a charming inn in the woods,
When her soul needs soothing...

EVERY WOMAN SHOULD KNOW...
What she can and can't accomplish
In a day...
A month..
And a year...

If nothing else... know that you are truly loved and thought of by your girlfriends…and that they only wish the best for you and your life.